


Is Crime *Really* That Bad?

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: GTA AU, ICRTB but everytime the crew bullies ryan it gets faster, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, depictions of violence, drugz are mentioned, guns????????, is it Really an rtah fic if there isnt some good ol mavin, nobody tells jack ANYTHING, theres lil bits and sprinkles of mavin, touch starvation, way too many conversations about pokemon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-10 12:11:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15291261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Do you think Ray meant for this to happen? Answer: he really didn’t fucking mean to. This shit just sorta happens.[ Or: Ray is just trying to live his life as peacefully as he can as a GameStop employee. Ryan fucks that up. ]





	1. AN INTRODUCTION

**Author's Note:**

> BIG thank Us to micoo and krewella for reading over this and helping me and tolerating me talking abt this fic for way too long :-) i appreciate them lots!!
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> (edit: i removed my last note because it showed up at the end of each chapter but to sum it up it said thank u for reading and this fic is my BABY)

_ “James Haywood.” _ The name is almost venomous on his tongue. To the other two men in the room, the name had no true meaning as of yet.

 

“What are you on about, Simmons?” The eldest man’s low, roughened southern drawl vibrates throughout the room as Simmons turns the sheet around, pushing it towards the two men. Grif doesn’t bother looking, his feet kicked up in the air and a glass of amber liquid– likely alcohol– in his hand. Sarge does look, though, and Simmons begins to talk again.

 

“James Haywood– that’s the Vagabond. It’s obvious he tried to cover up his tracks of his life, but I found him.” The red-headed male explains and Grif suddenly takes an interest, leaning over. It’s a news article, the name of the newspaper was unfamiliar to the two men, but the title was loud and clear:  _ Young Boy Burns Down House With Parents Inside. _ “He’s from some small town in Georgia. What I don’t get is how he went from Georgia to Los Santos. After killing his parents, too.”

 

“Christ.” Grif comments. Both Grif and Sarge’s eyes were fixated on the paper, reading intently, brows furrowed. 

 

Suddenly, a gunshot rings out in the dark room and blood splatters across the article the two were reading. The men lift their heads up from the table to see their co-worker, dead, blood and brain matter now spread across the table. A man in a skull mask stands behind the chair Simmons was in, a pistol in his hand. The light hanging above the table shines onto the black leather of the man’s jacket shows fresh blood clinging to the material that makes the two men sick. It’s the man of the hour–  _ the Vagabond. _

 

“Guys like you never seem to know where to put your noses, do you?” The Vagabond’s voice was low and gravelly, and caused yet another wave of sickness to wash over the men. 

 

Another gunshot rings out and Grif’s body goes limp in the chair. Sarge stands to make his exit, but despite his fit physical appearance, he doesn’t get far before he falls to the concrete floor. 

 

The Vagabond takes another look around, and tucks his pistol away. He lets out a pleased hum, nudging the body laid across the table to collect the now bloodied documents of his past. He folds them up, tucking those away as well. He spots his main order of business– a sleek, black suitcase across the room. The suitcase contained information about his entire crew. Valuable information at that– information that was not to be put in the hands of any outsider gangs. Picking the object of interest up, he exits the room, continuing to hum to himself. He steps over the body of the guard at the door, plucking out the knife he forgot to retrieve beforehand. 

 

And then, suitcase in hand, the Vagabond is gone.

 

[ • ]

 

_ “RYAN, DID YOU DUMP ALL THOSE DIET COKE CANS IN MY ROOM?!”  _ Gavin’s voice squawks through the phone and Ryan has to retain a childlike giggle.

 

“Innocent until proven guilty,” Ryan turns on speakerphone, setting his phone in the cupholder as he continues to drive. 

 

“You literally told Geoff you did it,” Michael is talking, now. His voice seems to be farther away from the phone than Gavin’s was, a small sound of cans jingling through the speaker of his phone. 

 

“I plead the fifth.” 

 

“You asshole, Gavin’s making me clean it up.” Michael sneers.

 

“Is Geoff at the base?” Ryan asks, pulling into the garage of said base anyway.

 

“Maybe.” Michael replies bitterly. Ryan turns off the car. Even if Geoff isn’t here, he needs to drop off the suitcase.

 

“Okay, fine.” Ryan turns off speakerphone, holding his phone up to his ear now as he heads inside the headquarters. Now knowing that Michael won’t answer his question, he asks, “Gavin?” Gavin has probably forgotten the whole Diet Coke thing anyway.

 

“He’s at GameStop.” Gavin replies easily. GameStop seems like a strange place for a crew leader to be in, but it’s somewhat normal for the Fake AH. You see, Jack works at a GameStop– well, he’s the manager. Okay, that still sounds weird.

 

Here’s how it went down: Jack used to have an actual job before becoming a wanted criminal in a very wanted gang, so that’s why he decided to get a job that wouldn’t be very high maintenance, but also one that includes actual work. So he decided a GameStop. With some help from Geoff and his connections, he became the manager. It keeps him grounded, is what Jack had said, and it’s not too demanding, so it wouldn’t get in the way of actual criminal work. 

 

So Ryan guesses that Geoff had gone to see Jack, probably to bother him about some heist plan that couldn’t be spoken about over phone. Again, just a guess, but probably a very right one.

 

He gives a small headnod in the direction of Jeremy, who’s sitting at the front desk currently, eyes fixated on the computer. Jeremy gives a non-committal wave, obviously fixated on whatever is on the computer.

 

“Alright.” Ryan repeats, opening the door into Geoff’s little office area. It’s not really an office, but just Geoff’s little area for him to hide his lemonade in peace, all the walls covered in maps and scrambled writing for new heist ideas. “I’m gonna hang up now. Have fun with the cans, Michael.” 

 

“Bye, Ryan!” 

 

“Fuck you, Ryan.” Gavin and Michael say at the same time as Ryan hangs up. You can probably guess which one is which.

 

Ryan sets the briefcase down on Geoff’s ink-and-probably-other-substance-stained desk before sitting down in the chair, reaching down under the table to open the mini fridge, AKA Geoff’s Safe Space For His Lemonade. Geoff would always complain about how people were constantly taking his lemonade from the fridge at the base, so out of pettiness he bought a mini fridge to hide from the other fuckers in the crew. Ryan stashes some Diet Coke in there, just for convenience. 

 

Cracking open the Diet Coke, he calls Geoff to let him know he got the information back, setting his feet up on the desk in a way that he knows Geoff fucking despises. Oh well!

 

“Gav and Michael yell at you about those fuckin’ cans yet?” Geoff asks when the call connects.

 

Ryan just grins again, taking a sip of his Diet Coke.

 

[ • ]

 

One time, Miles told Ray that he can very easily blend in with a crowd. Ray gets that. He’s a pretty boring dude, when he thinks about it. Just an employee at a GameStop that wears the same purple hoodie and plays video games too much and gets sad sometimes. Boring isn’t really a good or a bad thing to Ray. It’s just… a thing.

  
But anyways, Ray’s getting off track. He can blend in easily, is what he’s saying. That’s why the tattooed dude currently standing in the store pays him no mind as he greets Jack– his boss– very loudly. 

 

The tattoo guy isn’t the only one who comes around to see Jack. Sometimes, it’s a very white, scrawny and nervous black-haired guy, or a short dude that looks like he could probably crush Ray with his bare hands– but not in the attractive way– and sometimes it’s a guy who actually looks like he would go to a GameStop with long-ish hair and glasses. 

 

Jack doesn’t really get irritated with them, inviting them into his office. However, Jack does seem to get irritated when the tattoo guy comes around, or the other three that tag along with the tattoo guy sometimes. But Tattoo Man and Friends (™) show up not very frequently.

 

None of them really pay much mind to Ray, just like Ray does to them. If he did pay them mind, maybe he would know their names, or why they always come around to Jack– they certainly don’t look very professional, and Ray doesn’t know why Jack, a measly GameStop manager, would have so many people looking for him. 

  
The most conversation he’s had with Jack’s buds is whenever they wouldn’t see Jack in the main room so they ask, ‘Is Jack here?’ and he gives a small gesture with his head towards the door leading to the back room, and he looks back down at whatever handheld device he has that day, and that’s that. 

 

Ray likes being able to blend in easily, especially due to years of  _ negative attention _ on him from his family. It also helps his anxiety, knowing that none of the people in this GameStop (or anywhere, for that matter) could give a shit about him or his weird mannerisms. However, it was kind of a weird thing to realize for Ray that he could disappear and nobody would notice. 

 

Despite his own depressive tendencies, Ray has recently begun to believe in fate, and that there is some sort of reason that he’s here. Even if it is to just be a generic loser, working at GameStop and having an 800,000+ gamerscore, that’s still a purpose. Maybe he’s just being too deep. But, Ray wants to feel hopeful again.

 

“Ray, I gotta head out. You’ll be alright?” Jack’s voice makes its’ way into Ray’s mind and Ray glances up to see him standing at the door with Tattoo Man. Aside from Jack’s weird buddies, Ray likes Jack quite a lot. He’s pretty easy to talk to, and seems to like video games and Ray, so that’s pretty good. Ray nods. “Don’t talk to any strangers, be safe, all that.” Jack jokes, and Ray pushes his glasses up his nose.

 

“Talking to strangers is my job, boss.” Ray replies dryly, earning a chuckle from both Jack and Tattoo Man.

 

“Funny kid you got, Jack. Let’s go.” Tattoo Man responds and Ray only feels slightly irritated at the ‘kid’ thing. He’s gotten called that so many times where it doesn’t really phase him, but it certainly is annoying.

 

Ray looks down to his DS again as the two men leave the store, but he gets interrupted again, this time by his phone vibrating in his pocket.

 

**New message from: sherry kawcross**

 

Ah, a message from the man of the year, Kerry.

 

**sherry kawcross**

_ xbox live tonight? _

 

**You**

_ fuck yeah my boy _

 

Ray slides his phone back into his pocket. 

 

[ • ]

 

As previously mentioned, Tattoo Man and Friends (™) don’t show up very often. When they do, Tattoo Man usually just asks him the common question, ‘Is Jack here?’ and Ray nods and they all go back there, no communication needed between him and the rest of the group. And when Jack leaves, he doesn’t show up the rest of the day, which is fine because it’s usually nearing the end of the day and he’s not needed.

  
Though, today is apparently different. Jack had left with the Small Angry-Looking Man (Ray remembers that Jack had referred to him as Jeremy, but Small Angry Man is better) today. That was a few hours ago, and obviously, Ray hadn’t expected him to show. 

 

But as Ray encounters Leader Brock in Pokemon Red– Ray had decided the night before that he’s going to play all the Pokemon game again, Kerry said,  _ Ray, no,  _ to which Ray responded,  _ Ray, yes,  _ and so that’s what he’s doing, fuck you Kerry– the door opens and Jack and four men pile into the store. Oh– it’s Tattoo Man and Friends (™– is that annoying yet? Yes? Oh well). 

 

Ray has never really paid attention to look at them, they only show up sporadically and with the accompany of Tattoo Man’s presence, so he doesn’t bother to glance at them as they don’t talk to him. There’s Tattoo Man and Jack, of course, and then follows two boys looking similar to Ray’s age, one with curly auburn hair and glasses and another with dirty blond (blond? Brown? Ray doesn’t care, but it’s fucking hair) hair, sunglasses atop his whatever-colored hair. Then, behind them was–  _ damn, a God? _

 

Okay, no, whatever, the last guy was taller than the rest, and apparently sandy blond and soft looking hair and a structured jawline is the number one way to get into Ray’s gay little mind. Then suddenly, the last guy, Model Man, turns his head to look at Ray and he quickly shoves his glasses up his face and looks down at the game in his hands, his cheeks burning in humiliation for staring.

 

“Stay in here. I don’t want you all going into my office and fucking my shit up like last time.” Jack says over the chatter between two young-ish ones. 

 

“That’s not fair, I didn’t do shit last time.” The curly haired one says, a faint Northeastern accent– trust me, Ray knows his Northeastern accents– in his tone. Ray glances up at the accent, and Northeast Boy then gestures to Big Nosed Boy. “That was Gavin.” In response to the accusation, Big Nosed Boy squawks out,  _ ‘Michael!’,  _ and that’s how Ray learns the two boys’ names.

 

_ Big Nosed Boy and Northeast Boy are better than Gavin and Michael, _ Ray thinks, but according to Joel, Ray needs to ‘work on names, because you can’t call people ‘Dirt Boy’ in proper conversations’ (Joel’s words), but fuck Joel. Joel sucks. Speaking of which, Ray reminds himself to go and steal Red Bulls from Joel’s house as he’s gone for two weeks. Serves that bitch right, he promised Ray to watch the Barbie movies with him and Barbara, but then he said he had to go on an emergency trip to Liberty City. Fuck Joel.    
  
Ray’s going off on a tangent in his mind, and then Jack says his name.

 

“Ray,” Ray looks up again swiftly, almost giving himself whiplash. Jack’s looking at him, and the others are shooting glances over at Ray which makes him shift a little in his seat. “Sorry for coming back with these children.” Jack glances to the group behind him, and continues. “I forgot a few things in my office. Caleb said he’s gonna come in a bit early for his shift, so you can leave whenever he shows his dumb little face. And then you can get back to…” Jack tilts his head. “Whatever you’re playing today.” 

 

“Pokemon Red. Kerry told me I shouldn’t replay all the games, so I am because I don’t want to listen to Kerry.” Ray responds, which seems to gain the interest of Michael.

 

“Petty.” Jack chuckles. 

 

“As always.” 

 

Jack goes back into his office, leaving Ray with his weird ass friends, or whatever they are. 

 

Ray looks back down, clicking through the dialogue of Bitchboy Brock, blocking out whatever (loud) conversation Jack’s friends were having. Well, trying to– they’re shouting, despite the fact that this is a closed environment, and they are right next to each other. 

 

“That’s like saying humans don’t know when to stop growing, Gavin.” A low voice attracts Ray’s attention. It’s similar to Jack’s voice– though, Ray is gotta be honest, there’s something about this one that, admittedly, Ray enjoys more.  _ This is very difficult to block out,  _ Ray realizes, as the British voice goes on about whether or not dogs know when to stop growing. 

 

“Dogs and humans aren’t the same thing!” Gavin exclaims, louder than the sound-level the group was at before. Ray winces at that. He’s not the best with incredibly loud noises randomly.

 

Apparently, the wince was noticeable. “Gavin, shut up, there are people here.” Michael says and Ray looks up again. He pushes up his glasses and looks around, and obviously Northeast meant when he said ‘people’, it was just Ray. Michael turns to look at him. “Sorry about that. He’s a dumbass.”

 

“It’s okay. Dumbasses always make their way in here. It is a GameStop, after all.” Ray responds and a slight smirk shows up on Northeast Boy’s–  _ Michael’s _ , Ray reminds himself– face as Big Nosed Boy– _ Gavin _ – pouts.

 

“Oh, you’re the one that’s always in here!” Tattoo Man exclaims.

 

“I mean– I do work here. I kind of have to be in here.” Ray replies. Hopefully it didn’t come off as  _ too _ rude, but it was a pretty dumb observation.

 

“This is why Jack doesn’t let you guys come in here.” Model With Apparently Nice Voice Man says.

 

“Your name is Ray, right?” Tattoo Man simply ignores Model Man. Ray tries to open his mouth, but Michael speaks up. 

 

“Jack literally said it five minutes ago.” Michael responds. Tattoo Man shrugs. Ray wishes he could leave. 

 

“I’m Geoff.” Tattoo Man says.  _ Please stop talking to me, I’m young and fragile and I’m going to throw up if you all keep looking at me, _ Ray thinks. 

 

[At least he knows Tattoo Man’s name, because it’s getting old to the readers. Oh no! I’m breaking the fourth wall. Fuck.]

 

“That’s… uh.. Cool? You already know my name, so,” Ray shrugs. “Nice to meet you…?” It’s more of a question than it is a statement. How was he supposed to respond to that? Gavin looks to Ray as if he was about to start talking, but the back door opens and Jack stands there, holding some nondescript bag that Ray simply cannot waste time describing.  _ Thank God.  _ Ray thinks as he realizes that they’re leaving now. He lets out a soft sigh of relief, and looks back down to his game.

 

“See you, Ray.” Jack says and Ray lifts his hand into a lazy wave, eyes not leaving the device. The door opens and then shuts, finally.

 

Jack has weird friends.

 

[ • ]

 

“If Jack mentioned that he hired an absolute twink, Ryan would’ve shown his face around here sooner!” Gavin exclaims when they get inside Geoff’s car, causing Ryan to sputter and Michael to burst into laughter.

 

“Excuse me?” Ryan asks and Jack drives off. “The cashier?” 

 

“He’s like, twelve, Gavin! That’s gross.” Geoff groans.

 

“He’s twenty two.” Jack responds and then, Geoff gasps very dramatically.

 

_ “Twenty two?” _ Geoff repeats, extremely confused. Jack nods.

 

“Looking young doesn’t make you a twink?” Ryan says, though it feels more like a question. Ryan isn’t really with the ‘lingo’ on that specific topic. “That would make Michael a twink, too.” And, again, Ryan doesn’t know the definition of a ‘twink’, but he’ll be damned if the guy wasn’t cute. 

 

“Go fuck yourself!” Michael snaps. 

 

“You do have a baby face, Micoo.” Gavin coos, raising his hand to poke at Michael’s face.

 

“Gavin, I’ll literally break your fucking arm.” Knowing Michael, that’s a promise, not a threat.

 

“Micoo!” Gavin whines and Ryan doesn’t have to look to the left of him to know that Gavin attempted anyways.

 

“The cashier kid looked terrified.” Geoff comments, ignoring Gavin’s pleas of forgiveness in the back of the car.

 

“His name is Ray. You’ve been told multiple times what his name is.” Ryan says but Geoff just shrugs.  _ This is my boss, _ Ryan thinks.

 

“He probably looked terrified because four loud men stood in the store and screamed about dogs.” Ryan can hear Jack’s response from the front, despite the shouting of Gavin and Michael.

 

“I was being quiet,” Ryan mumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. 

 

_ “Three.” _ Jack corrects himself.

 

“We weren’t being that loud!” Geoff exclaims, loudly, defeating his point. Ryan leans his head against the window.

 

He hates this crew.   
  



	2. BIG GAY THIEF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray and Ryan talk for the first time. And then they talk some more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am a summary GOD
> 
> also thank u to everyone who commented it was nice to see that people like this so far!!!

It’s one of those fun times before heists where everything is hectic and Geoff spirals into insanity, B-Team tries to accompany Geoff in his own hell, Michael and Gavin barely helping, and Jack plays peacemaker, bringing everybody coffee or snacks and helping Geoff to the best of his ability. Ryan just kinda… hangs out. He’ll be there if someone asks him to do anything, but currently, nobody’s asking him to do shit, which deep down, he’s grateful for.

 

Ryan could probably leave their base and go home, maybe play Subnautica or something, but instead, he sits on one of the couches and just people-watches, an interest that Ryan indulges in on days similar to these. Michael and Gavin are currently throwing Smarties over a half-wall to hit the back of Jeremy’s bald head, ducking down when Jeremy turns around. Trevor’s on the phone, talking animatedly. Geoff’s in his ‘office’, and Jack is gone, from what Ryan can tell. The rest of the crew is either running around the base or out of sight– nothing really worth on commenting.

 

“Ryan, get your dumb ass in here, now.” Geoff’s voice booms out through the base and both Michael and Gavin make the ‘ooo’ing noise that kindergarteners do. Though, they basically are kindergarteners.

 

“Right away, Principal Ramsey,” Ryan mumbles, standing up from the couch and walking over.

 

He enters Geoff’s office and expects to see a noose hanging from the ceiling, but it’s just documents and files covered over the substance-stained desk, cans of lemonade and some soda ones littering among the floor. 

 

“Jack’s not answering his phone. I’m guessing he’s at GameGo.” Geoff starts speaking and Ryan turns to him.

 

“GameStop,” Ryan replies and Geoff shoots him a glare. 

 

“Whatever!” Geoff exclaims, his voice cracking. Obviously, he’s under some extreme amount of stress, but the stress isn’t really needed. But Geoff seems to like making things harder on himself when it comes to heists. Especially now, after Geoff’s loose planning skills and lack of planning for problems had caused the almost death of Gavin and Jack, and basically the whole crew.

 

It was a heist gone bad with even less preparing than usual. They had been on a streak of highly successful heists, which had obviously gone to their heads– thus the lack of planning. Ryan tries hard to not remember what had gone down on that heist, but, yeah, shit hit the fan, Gavin and Jack’s helicopter crashed, they jumped out maybe a little too close to the ground and other things– long story short, the whole crew (especially the aforementioned Brit and Gent) were out of order for a couple of months. 

 

After seeing the boy he had raised for years and one of his closest, oldest friends being very near death, Geoff realized that he kind of sort of really needed to do better at the whole ‘planning’ thing. 

 

While them getting better at planning with room for mistakes is good, Geoff has also become increasingly harder on himself, causing him this unneeded stress he’s giving himself right now. How Geoff hasn’t had an aneurysm yet, Ryan doesn’t know.

 

“I need you to go tell him to get his ass over here,” Geoff says, snapping Ryan out of his thoughts. 

 

“Why do I have to go?” Ryan asks, whininess underlying in his tone. 

 

“Because everyone else is busy, fuckhead. Now go, or else I’ll start eating this fucking desk.” Geoff says and his phone starts ringing, which he picks up quickly. He starts chattering away, shooing Ryan out of the office. 

 

Ryan looks around and now it seems that Michael and Gavin are gone. Maybe someone actually gave them a job for once, or they went to go make out in the bathrooms again. 

 

Ryan hopes it’s the former.

 

[ • ]

 

**New message from: businessboy**

 

**businessboy**

_ Ray. _

 

**You**

_ joel. _

 

**businessboy**

_ Did you break into my apartment and steal the Red Bulls in my fridge, Ray? _

 

**You**

_ joel. _

 

**businessboy**

_ Ray. Answer the question. _

 

**You**

_ joel.  _

 

**businessboy**

_ Ray.  _

 

**You**

_ it was barbara _

 

**businessboy**

_ Barbara hates Red Bulls, Ray. _

 

**You**

_ y r u saying my name in every text _

 

**You**

_ i feel attacked _

 

**businessboy**

_ Own up to your crime.  _

 

**You**

_ i plead the fifth _

 

**businessboy**

_ I would have given them to you if you just asked, or… you know, knocked.  _

 

**You**

_ this is just a lesson for you _

 

**You**

_ it was easy as fuck to get into your house. you gotta fix that security shit, dawg _

 

**businessboy**

_ That’s less of a lesson and more of an excuse.  _

 

“Excuse me, is Jack Pattillo here?” The common question in a voice that’s not familiar makes Ray almost jump, thankfully he doesn’t because he looks up and realizes,  _ Oh, no, it’s the hot one, _ and then Ray thinks,  _ Oh, no, why does it have to be the hot one? _ Ray’s phone vibrates in his hand but he doesn’t look down at it after realizing he hasn’t responded, like a dumbass.

 

“Pattillo’s his last name? Huh.” Ray responds, and then makes a slight gesture to the door, as he usually does. “He should be right through there, unless he’s disappeared into another realm,” Ray says without thinking about the things he has just said to this very attractive man and realizes what a  _ fucking _ loser he is, but a chuckle leaves the man’s lips. His phone vibrates, again–  _ fuck off, Joel, I’m dying right now. _

 

“Thank you.” 

 

“No problem, man.” And the dude leaves and Ray realizes he wasn’t breathing properly. Christ, Ray really needs to get better at this whole  _ socializing _ thing. That shit is scary. Especially with some hot dude that makes Ray somehow all the more nervous. Ray rubs his eyes underneath his glasses, slouching in his seat.

 

Ray feels another vibration coming from his phone and looks down.

 

**businessboy**

_ And you’re lecturing me on security? Ray, your front door is unlocked, like, most of the time.  _

 

**businessboy**

_ Stop ignoring me. This is serious. >:( _

 

**businessboy**

_ I’ll come into your house and take the Red Bulls back. _

 

Ray lets out a long exhale. 

 

**You**

_ joel dawg _

 

**You**

_ im so fuckin gay _

 

**businessboy**

_ I know.  _

 

**businessboy**

_ Don’t change the subject. You’re a thief.  _

 

**You**

_ im a big GAY thief _

 

**You**

_ also i drank all of them in like two days _

 

**businessboy**

_ I hate you so much. _

 

[ • ]

 

Ryan still doesn’t understand why he’s always the one to have to go on alcohol runs for the crew. Probably because when he has to go on alcohol runs, he’s the only one who’s sober– besides Geoff, but Geoff is a lazy bitch and doesn’t do anything. Fuck Geoff. 

 

Ryan doesn’t like alcohol– wine tastes like Satan’s piss, beer leaves a weird taste in his mouth and the harder stuff makes him feel like he needs to vomit. Maybe it’s just from the multiple bad experiences previously back in Georgia. 

 

Alas, he’s forced to go on an alcohol run. At 10 at night. Ryan just wants to go home, really. But after Gavin and Jeremy both clinging to him like toddlers, begging and whining, he does leaves for the store, begrudgingly so.

 

So with a bunch of bitter muttering, he heads into the liquor store. As he wanders through the aisles, attempting to decipher the drunken list of brands that Michael had texted him, he begins to hear chatter throughout the basically empty store. 

 

“I don’t need a babysitter, Miles. I’m a big boy.” It’s a familiar voice and it catches Ryan’s interest.

 

“A big boy that’s very baked and almost got hit by a car.”

 

“That doesn’t make me any less of a big boy.”

 

“Listen, you’re the biggest boy I know.” There’s a gasp of what seems like happiness.  _ “But, _ I’m under direct orders from Kerry to watch you.”

 

“Kerry sucks. Let me go home.”

 

“Never.”

 

_ “Miles,” _

 

As the conversation continues, Ryan advances down the aisles, soon retrieving everything on the list. He heads towards the cash register, planning on paying for everything with the generous amount of money he borrowed (took without the intention of giving it back to him) from Gavin because this shit is  _ expensive, _ and then sees that Ray guy sitting up on the side counter talking with a brown haired guy who stands at the register. 

 

“Dude, I’ll suck your dick, I just wanna go home.” Ryan now sees Ray and  _ damn, he’s still fucking cute. _ A pair of sweet brown eyes and soft lips? Shit, sign him the hell up, apparently, because he’s cute.

 

“You’re one hundred times more outgoing with your advances when you’re high.” The brown haired guy responds.

 

“Ooh, big man Miles, making the most obvious of observa– Oh, it’s you.” Ryan sets down the basket down on the counter and Miles (Ryan assumes his name is Miles, as Ray has called him that three times) begins to pick up the items out of the basket, scanning them.

 

“It is me.” Ryan watching as the bottles get scanned. “Ray, right?”

 

“That’s my name.” Ray nods. “Or TAFKAR.”

 

“Stop trying to make TAFKAR a thing,” Miles says but Ray pays him no mind. Ryan can’t help the small smile that comes to his face.

 

“My name is Ryan,” Ryan replies, beginning to pull out his wallet. “Or Ryan. Depends on the day.” Ray’s face breaks into a grin. 

 

“Ryan the Ryan guy.” Ray then looks down at the basket. “Lots of alcohol for a Monday night,” Ray observes and Ryan flushes a little bit.

 

“Ray,” Miles says, warily. He looks to Ryan. “Sorry about that. He’s kind of... uninhibited right now.” 

 

“It’s okay. It’s, uh, not for me, I don’t drink. I’m just going on an alcohol run for some of my friends.” In his mind, Ryan thinks  _ crewmates _ not  _ friends _ but he can’t exactly say that right now, and as sad as it is, the word comes a little foreign on his tongue.

 

“I don’t drink either. It’s yucky.” Ray says and Ryan doesn’t think he’s ever heard a person over the age of ten use the word ‘yucky’ in a sentence. Though, yucky is definitely a good way to describe alcohol.

 

“Weakest race.” Miles mumbles.  _ Damn. Shade. _

 

“If I’m the weakest race for not drinking, I’m the weakest bitch there is.” Ray responds. 

 

Miles ignores him and tells Ryan his total and hands over the borrowed (stolen) money. Ryan says thank you and takes the stuff back after putting his wallet away.

 

“Bye-bye, Ryan the Ryan guy.” Ray waves and Ryan gives a small wave back and takes his leave, heading to the parking lot. 

 

As he gets in his car, he’s feeling a bit more pleased with his trip to the store.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was shorter but!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope it was enjoyable all the same
> 
> thank u for reading! <3


	3. MAYBE HE'S A LITTLE LIKE THAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so bad at summaries why include them
> 
> also theres like 500 pokemon mentions im sorry
> 
> enjoy reading!

After the meeting at the liquor store, when Ray began to sober up, he was horrified to realize what a fucking fool he made himself to be in front of Ryan.

 

It had taken at least a few weeks of never seeing Ryan or any of Jack’s friends mentioning anything about him for Ray to realize he doesn’t have to worry about the fact that he made a total fool of himself because he won’t see Ryan again.

 

But apparently, Ray’s optimism was for nothing, because as soon as Ray had pushed that shit to the back of his mind, Ryan came walking in with Geoff and Jeremy (aka Small Angry Man) and Ray wished for death at that moment.

 

Geoff asked the Question™ and Ray simply gestured to the door while having an internal meltdown. He hoped that both Jeremy and Ryan would follow him to the back, but the spirits are apparently not on Ray’s side today.

 

“Hey, Ryan, stay out here, would you?” Geoff asked and Ryan looked confused but nodded. Geoff grinned as Jeremy followed him through the door, and here’s where they are now: Ray wanting to spontaneously combust, looking down at his DS (due to his breakdown about what a fucking fool he is, Ray threw himself into video games, like he usually does, thus powering through a lot of the Pokemon games. Just as an update, he’s on LeafGreen, currently, which is good as shit) and Ryan not making any sort of movement to talk, or movement in general.

 

Ryan clears his throat. Ray looks up. _Oh, God, he’s gonna tell me what a fucking weirdo I am._

 

“So, Mr. TAFKAR,” Ryan’s low voice is light, almost teasing. While that’s pretty embarrassing, it’s better than the outcome that Ray had planned out in his head as soon as Ryan had walked in. Ray’s face flushes. 

 

“Please, Mr. TAFKAR is my father’s name.” Ray replies.

 

Ryan laughs at Ray’s dumb response. Ray’s stomach feels weird.

 

“Have you been hit by any cars lately?” Ryan asks, recalling back to the fact that Ray _might’ve possibly_ almost got hit by a car that night.

 

Listen– in Ray’s defense, it was dark, and he was a bit too focused on the phrase ‘Broth Obama’ to pay attention to such minuscule things like _‘crossing the road’._ Pft. Whatever. He was totally fine, but Miles didn’t seem to think so, thus the whole reason why Ray was at the liquor store at that time.

 

“Oh, you know, just the casual amount.” Ray shrugs. “Have your friends had anymore Monday night drinking sessions?” He asks.

 

“Oh, just the casual amount.” Ryan smiles at him, and Ray smiles back while realizing that he’s totally _fucked._

 

[ • ]

 

That first talk after the liquor store was the first of many conversations they would have.

 

Because, _coincidentally,_ Ryan swears it, he starts opting to pick up Jack from GameStop more and more when Geoff goes and tells Trevor or Jeremy or Matt to go and do it.

 

What? He likes helping out the crew, alright?

 

That’s what Ryan said when Geoff made the observation that he’s been ‘actually helping out for once’.

 

“Oh, am I not allowed to help, now?” Ryan had asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Geoff raised his hands as if he was surrendering.

 

“Okay, buddy. Put away your weapons, settle down.” Geoff said and Ryan ignored how much of a mock that was. Ryan dropped his arms back down to his side and so did Geoff. Ryan had just huffed and walked out of the base.

 

Sure, maybe Ryan has a little bit of a crush, but he’s an adult. _It’s not like he would go and purposefully drive his ass halfway across town just to have miniscule conversations with a very adorable, very funny guy who has a vast knowledge of video games and seems like he’s genuinely interested in what Ryan has to say and–_

 

Yeah.  
  
Ryan’s not like that.

 

[ • ]

 

**New message to: TAFKAR**

 

**You**

_Is this Ray?_

 

 _You fucking know it’s Ray. He gave you his number._ Delete.

 

**You**

_Hey, this is Ryan. Is this Ray?_

 

 _Of course it’s you. He has your number too, dumbass_. Delete.

 

**You**

_Heww_

 

 _Don’t fucking say hewwo._ Delete. _Trevor is a terrible influence._

 

**You**

_Jhkasdgjfhajhsdfnkasdc_

 

Delete.

 

He types another message.

 

Delete.

 

Another.

 

Delete.

 

Fuck.

  
Ryan sighs and turns off his phone, setting it down on the couch next to him.

 

So– a bit of context might be in order.

 

Ryan and Ray have talked some more and Ryan has learned that Ray likes video games _a lot_ (fucking 800,000+ Gamerscore? Christ). They talked about Xbox games for awhile (even though Ryan was _supposed_ to go and get Jack from his office, it’s not like it was urgent or anything, he swears it) and Ryan could keep up with the topic because despite Ryan being a ‘PC guy’, the crew makes him play on an Xbox.

 

Then Ray mentioned Pokémon.

 

“Never played it,” Ryan said. Ray leaned back in his chair and clutched at his heart dramatically. “What?”

 

“Pokémon slaps, dude.” Ray responded, sitting back up. Ryan doesn’t bother to ask what the definition of ‘slaps’ even means in that phrase.

 

“I never got into it.” Ryan shrugged. Then, Ryan’s phone starts to vibrate in his pocket. He pulls it out and sees that Geoff is calling him. _Oops._ Ryan might’ve totally forgotten. “I forgot. Is Jack here?”

 

Ray nodded. “Yeah, uh–” Ray shifted in his seat a bit more. “I was wondering if I could get your number? I wouldn’t mind talking about games some more, or whatever.” Ray’s face had turned a nice red color and Ryan pushed down all his big gay thoughts as Ryan realized he hadn’t responded yet.

 

“‘Or whatever’,” Ryan said teasingly and Ray’s eyes moved from the counter back up to Ryan’s face. Innocuous and nervous eyes look at him and Ryan is a fool. _Fuck!!!!! He’s so cute._ “That’s a yes, by the way.”

 

“Asshole.” Ray smiled.

 

They exchanged numbers, Ray putting his name in as ‘TAFKAR’ on Ryan’s phone. Ryan left after that.

 

Geoff later threatened to use a cheese grater on his dick for being nearly an hour and a half late to a meeting, Ryan decides that Ray was pretty worth it.

 

It’s been a few days since then and Ray hadn’t texted him. To be fair, Ryan hadn’t texted him either. Thus leading us to right now, where Ryan has no idea how to start conversations.

 

“Ryan!” Michael screaming his name wasn’t uncommon, though usually, it was out of irritation instead of properly calling out his name like he actually needs something. Ryan looks over in the direction of where his name was being called. “Get over here.”

 

So, Ryan does that. “What?” He asks. _Ryan is currently very busy having a crisis about how to talk to people, thank you very much._

 

“So. Geoff wants me to do a stakeout with Jeremy.” Michael says. Ryan nods.

 

“Stakeouts are a thing.” Ryan comments.

 

“Right. But, Jeremy is kind of mad at me and Gav for filling the glovebox of his car up with shaving cream.”  

 

“Why,” Ryan pauses. “Would you do that?” Michael shrugs, and Ryan sighs. _This crew sucks._

 

“I don’t want to do a stakeout with a pissy Jeremy. So, do me a favor and do it for me?” The Lad asks. He thinks about it. When Ryan doesn’t respond, Michael keeps again. “I’d owe you, dude.” Ryan thinks about it some more.

 

“Let me borrow one of your Pokémon games.” Michael raises a brow at his request. “Don’t look at me like that.”

 

“You finally decided to play one of the best game franchises ever, huh?” Michael asks and then nods. “I would’ve given it to you without the favor, but sure.”

 

[ • ]

 

It’s about three in the morning and Ray is awake. Ray might say to an outsider that he’s just very determined to finish this game in one sitting. And that is true– partly. Even though the game is kind of boring, he’s determined to finish it. He always finishes games because Ray is [a] committed [loser].

 

Though, this story doesn’t take place to an outsider, so the game serves as a distraction for Ray. His anxious energy has been building up ever since he got Ryan’s number. That encounter was enough emotional stress Ray has had in his entire life (dramatic much, Ray?), and the fact he even gained the courage to ask was good in itself.

 

It’s been five days since he got it. He never found out what the appropriate amount of time you should wait for before texting a new person, but Ray has already figured that that timespan has passed and Ryan probably only accepted his number out of pity and will never try to have a conversation with Ray again.

 

Shit. He’s really got to be better at this whole ‘positive thoughts’ thing. Miles makes it easier than it looks.

 

Ray feels his phone vibrate from his littered coffee table and pauses his game. Setting his controller down on his lap, he picks up his phone.

 

**New message from: Ryan**

 

Ray almost throws up.

 

He opens his phone– no password, because he fears no god– and goes to read the message.

 

**Ryan**

[ Image attached. ]

 

**Ryan**

_Is this a good one?_

 

The image sent was a picture of the cartridge of FireRed. Ray hates the way his stomach feels at the possible suggestion of Ryan playing a Pokémon game because Ray mentioned it.

 

**You**

_wow and hello to you_

 

**Ryan**

_I figured there was no need for formalities_

 

**You**

_firered is good yes_

 

**Ryan**

_Does it have the Ray stamp of approval?_

 

Ray leans back against his couch, biting his lip to retain the smitten grin that’s attempting to spread across his face.

 

**You**

_definitely_

 

[ • ]

 

 _“Did you really name all of your Pokémon Edgar?”_ Michael looks up at Ryan, exasperated. “Ryan, this is the worst team I’ve ever seen.”

 

“I like it,” Ryan shrugs in response.

 

“Why do you have a Pidgey, Weedle, _and_ a fucking Spearow?” He asks. Ryan doesn’t answer. Michael sighs.

 

“You are going to get nowhere in this game,” Michael says, setting the handheld down.

 

Nosey Gavin, who’s apparently listening in on the conversation, decides to talk. “Why are you playing this game anyways? You always talk about how games like these aren’t worth your time.”

  
Ryan pauses.

 

_It’s not like I’m playing this game because Ray kept talking about how he likes it. Of course not. I’m not like that._

 

… But Ray looks so excited when he goes on about it, or any video game. His usual nature is always a bit on edge, but when he talks about video games he sits up a little more, not slouching in on himself or reaching for the strings of his sweatshirt to twist around his fingers. And even when it’s cheesy, his eyes just have a little _sparkle_ to them as he enthuses about games.

 

“Yo, Ryan.” Michael says and Ryan blinks. “You spaced out.”

 

“Shut up.” Ryan doesn’t even realize he’s blushing and picks up the handheld, walking off.

 

So.

 

Maybe Ryan is a little like that.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u enjoyed im sry these r so short and filler-y 
> 
> these chapters are basically just the exposition to the exposition?? if that makes sense which it probably doesnt ok thats all
> 
> thank u for reading! <3


	4. THIS KINDA FUCKS WITH ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on this episode of Why Are People Still Reading This Garbage
> 
> theres descriptions of a panic attack near the end idk if that means anything to some people but. theres your warning!
> 
> enjoy!!

**New message from: cow fucker**

 

**cow fucker**

_ I restarted Pokémon because everyone kept saying my team was bad _

 

**You**

_ thats literally because it was _

 

**cow fucker**

_ I can’t stand for this blatant bullying Ray _

 

**cow fucker**

_ I’m going to go with Bulbasaur this time what do I name him _

 

**You**

_ ray _

 

**You**

_ obviously  _

 

[ • ]

 

The Fake AH is seen as a ruthless, malicious crew. 

 

But, when Ryan thinks of the words ‘ruthless’ and ‘malicious’, the Fake AH wouldn’t be what comes to mind when it really comes to it– Ryan realizes this as Jack explains the logistics of triangles and Gavin coughs and gags into the comm.

 

They’re preparing for a heist– nothing too big, just a few convenience stores. Ryan was told to go and sit pretty until they were ready, and Ryan is certainly not bothered by the fact he’s not doing anything. His phone buzzes, actually, so he pulls that out.

 

**New message from: TAFKAR**

 

**TAFKAR**

_ thoughts on cereal mascots? _

 

**You**

_ And you continue to lecture me on my lack of greetings _

 

**TAFKAR**

_ ““““““““i figured there was no need for formalities””””””” _

 

**TAFKAR**

_ answer my question nerd _

 

**You**

_ I don’t really have much to say on the topic of cereal mascots _

 

**You**

_ The Trix kids were huge assholes though _

 

**TAFKAR**

_ fuck the trix kids _

 

**TAFKAR**

_ actually wait dont _

 

Ryan lets out a short chuckle that he thought was quiet enough, but apparently not.

 

_ “What’re you laughing at, Rye?” _ Geoff asks through his comm. 

 

“Nothing.” Ryan answers.

 

_ “Maybe he’s talking to his secret lover,” _ Gavin says, followed by another round of coughs. 

 

_ “That would make sense.” _ Jeremy agrees in a tone that makes him sound like what Gavin had just said is a rational idea.  _ Why would that be a rational idea? _

 

“No,” Ryan replies. “Why is that your first suggestion?”

 

_ “‘Cause you seem happier.” _ Michael jumps in now. 

 

Ryan frowns in confusion. “What does that have to do with anything?”

 

_ “Y’know, you look pleasant. You kinda got that lovestruck-happy look on your face all the time now.”  _ Michael explains. Gavin agrees with an ‘mhm’ noise in the background.

 

“I wasn’t aware that I’m being scrutinized,” Ryan says. The subject shifts again and Ryan doesn’t think much of the Lads’ observation. 

 

He looks back down at his phone.

 

**TAFKAR**

_ also tony the tiger is a total bitch, so jot that down _

 

Ryan’s face breaks out into a smile (and, unbeknownst to him, he’s got that same look on his face Michael was talking about).

 

[ • ]

 

_ “The Fake AH has striked again today,” _ The newswoman says. Ray glances over from the top of his DS to look at Kerry’s TV.  _ “Six consecutive convenience stores were robbed at the exact same time at exactly 9 P.M. The robbers were soon found to be fitting the same descriptions of some of the crew members in Fake AH.” _

 

As the woman drones on via television, Ray hears Kerry sigh next to him.

 

“Damn,” Kerry says. “That gang has been really making its’ way up there, huh?”

 

“I wouldn’t know,” Ray mumbles, pressing pause on his game. “I don’t really keep up with criminal activity, like  _ some _ people.” He says, a bit dismissively. Kerry is fucking weird, and keeps a specific interest in the crime ring of Los Santos. He’ll always keep his eyes glued to local news channels for updates. It’s like pop-culture, but with more violence and drug busts. Criminal-culture? 

 

“I just think it’s interesting.” Ray looks over at the blond next to him.

 

“Uh-huh. You sound like those weird high school girls that have obsessions with serial killers, did you know that, my good friend Kerry?” Ray asks, amused. He leans over and picks up the Monster can from the coffee table, beginning to take a sip. 

 

“And you sound like a guy that works at GameStop and has a crush on a guy ten years older than you.” Ray chokes a little bit on his drink and then clears his throat, setting it down. Kerry has a smug look on his face and Ray would be more than happy to deck him. Ray holds up his index finger.

 

“One, it’s nine years,” Ray says and Kerry (the bitch) rolls his eyes. “Two, I told you that out of confidence. Don’t hold that against me.” 

 

So, Ray has come to terms with his big gay crush on one of the few friends he’s made. He likes Ryan. A lot, really, and it’s not just his looks– Ray isn’t  _ that _ shallow, but it’s definitely a big bonus to his personality. Ryan has the knowledge of small, weird things that Ray would never really bother to know– like the fact that baby oysters with shells are called ‘spat’, or that the first American paper mill was established in 1690. He’s smart, too and can say eloquent, college-y words without hesitation but fucks up words like  _ that _ or  _ Macbook. _ He’s funny and makes Ray laugh– a feat in itself– and he’s sweet and nerdy and absolutely gorgeous and  _ shit, Ray just really likes him. _

 

But, Ray realizes he has to put that shit away, because he’s Ray, and  _ it’s fucking Ryan we’re talking about here. _ Besides, Ryan is a good friend too (Ray comes to that conclusion only to avoid the big knot in his stomach–  _ it’s fucking hard being ugly). _

 

Back in the present, Kerry’s attention has turned back to the news, and Ray’s attention is on his DS. He’s on Pokémon Platinum. Kerry still doesn’t understand. _Ray, why are you still doing this? It’s been nearly six months,_ Kerry asked earlier that day, but fuck Kerry. This feeds purely off Ray’s pettiness to not listen to what Kerry had said, one time, six months ago. Ray is also just determined at this point. 

 

Ray’s phone buzzes nearby his thigh, so he picks it up. 

 

**New message from: cow fucker**

 

“What a sweet name to give your boyfriend,” Kerry comments and Ray simply flips him off. 

 

**cow fucker**

_ What are you doing next Saturday? _

 

Ray’s breath hitches softly as the Big Gay alarms ring in his head. 

 

**You**

_ hmm depends, my schedule is very busy _

 

**You**

_ just kidding i havent had plans in 400 years _

 

**cow fucker**

_ Maybe we could hang out and play some video games? So you can prove whether or not you’re actually worthy of an 800,000 Gamerscore _

 

Ray groans and shuts his DS, shoving it off his lap as he looks down at the message. Kerry shoots him an odd look.

 

“Kerry,” Ray begins to talk. “How do people… talk to people?”

 

“Do you  _ really _ think I know?” Ray just groans again. He doesn’t even know why he asked– Kerry is just as bad at socializing as he is.

 

**You**

_ first off im totally worthy _

 

**You**

_ also sure dude im down _

 

When Ray doesn’t see a text bubble, he sets down his phone and picks up his DS.   
  
_ This is very emotionally stressful,  _ Ray thinks as he gets thrown into a Pokémon battle.

 

[ • ]

 

Ray ended up going to Ryan’s house (after Ryan made sure all his incriminating shit was hidden away) and it’s a good time. They played Call of Duty for a few hours and Ryan managed to keep up with Ray– he really had proved himself worthy of that 800,000 Gamerscore– along with a few other games. 

 

At first, they sat on Ryan’s couch at a respectable distance, but they managed to scoot together throughout the night (that’s cliche as fuck, and Ryan knows it, but it happened, okay?). As of right now, they’re sitting knee-to-knee, thigh-to-thigh and Ryan tries to not think anything of it, and tries not to think of Ray at all–  _ he’s so pretty his smile is so nice I want to kiss him and hold him and– _

 

“Dude, why are all your Pokémon almost fucking dead?” Ray asks. Oh, right. Ray had asked to look at Ryan’s Pokémon. That’s why they’re sitting so close together, as Ryan looks over Ray’s shoulder who’s handling the DS.

 

“It’s easy to forget to heal them,” Ryan explains simply and Ray just looks at him. “What?”

 

“Nothing.” Ray shakes his head, an amused smile on his face. He looks back down to the DS, opening up the screen and looks at his team. “Skeleton, Boulders, Meatball Head, Fire Horse, Octopus, and,” Ray reads out the names of Ryan’s Pokémon and then comes to a stop at the last name. “Ray?” 

 

Ryan shrugs as Ray glances at him  _ again. _ “You said I should name him Ray, so I did,” Ryan says, casually, but internally?  _ Shit did I make him uncomfortable I’m a big fucking fool he thinks I’m weird– _

 

But Ray’s face colors to a bright pink, and so maybe everything’s okay.

 

“I make a great Ivysaur,” Ray mumbles. Ryan smiles.

 

[ • ]

 

The rest of the night is filled with heavy hearts and laughter and smiles that makes Ryan feel better than he has in years.

 

It’s a really good time, and Ryan doesn’t even bother to check the time until Ray stands up, stretching his arms above his head (his hoodie riding up a bit, a sliver of tanned skin hidden beneath it, which catches Ryan’s eye but he quickly looks away in embarrassment).

 

“It’s almost 4 AM, dude, I probably should get going. I got work tomorrow.” Ray says and Ryan checks his phone and, damn, it really is almost four. Ryan sees a few text messages from the crew but he ignores those as he stands up, Ray dropping his arms back down to his sides.

 

“Will you be safe getting home? I know it’s not the safest at this time of night,” Ryan asks, a bit concerned as he pushes down the thought that come to his head about how people like  _ Ryan _ are what makes the streets so unsafe at night. 

 

Ryan follows Ray to the front door and Ray stops in front of the door, and turns to look back at him.

 

“I’m a big boy, Ryan. I’ll be fine.” Ray says and Ryan, again, has to push another thought down, but it’s a different thought this time, more like about how  _ easy _ it would be to just  _ lean down _ and  _ kiss him. _

 

“Yeah,  _ big boy. _ All 5’8 of you.” Ryan replies just as playfully with a gentle grin on his face and Ray flushes, swatting at his shoulder. 

 

“Fuck off,” Ray mumbles and Ryan really  _ really _ wants to kiss him. Ray finally makes a move to turn around and open the door and Ryan just feels the need to open his big dumb mouth again.

 

“Hey,” Ryan starts and Ray pauses, looking up at him. “I just wanted to say I had a really nice time tonight. I wouldn’t mind hanging out more at a later date.” Ray doesn’t respond for a moment and his cheeks only flare up more and then a small smile breaks out onto his face.

 

“Yeah, me too. I had fun.” Ray responds, and it’s probably one of the first times he’s heard Ray’s genuine and sincere voice and it makes Ryan’s heart warm a little bit. That’s when Ray finally completes his move to open the door. “I’ll see you later, dude.” And Ryan gives him a small wave in response before the door is shut. 

 

[ • ]

 

“And he was like, ‘you said I should name him that, so I did’ and I died.” 

 

A bit of backtracking– Ray had asked Joel if he wanted to hang out, to which Joel said he had to run errands, so Ray took that as an invitation to come along (inconveniencing Joel is one of Ray’s favorite hobbies, really). So they’re at the bank while Joel is trying to get… a check? Or something? Ray forgot, and he doesn’t really know how money works. As they wait in line, Ray rambles on about Ryan.

 

“And before I left, he said that he had a really good time in this kinda, like, soft and quiet voice like he was being all serious and stuff. It was so fucking cute and sweet.” He continues, his hands gripping at the strings of his hoodie. Ray’s face is slightly pink and Joel is just listening. Joel looks at Ray analytically for a moment before talking. 

 

“You are totally fucked.” Joel comes to that conclusion. 

 

“I wish,” Ray sighs, and Joel slaps his shoulder gently, mumbling,  _ we’re in public, fool. _ The younger snickers slightly. Irritating Joel is also a hobby that Ray is fairly good at.

 

“Do you really think he doesn’t like you back?” Joel asks, curiously. Ray just lifts his shoulders into a slight shrug.

 

“I mean, I’m  _ Ray.” _ He stuffs his hands inside of his pockets. “So probably not.” 

 

“That’s negative,” Joel says. 

 

“That’s  _ realism.” _ Ray looks away. The conversation trails off then. Though, not for long, as Ray then dives into the subject of his other favorite thing– video games. Joel, having more experience on the topic of video games rather than Ray’s shitshow of a nonexistent love life, responds to him more frequently than he did before.

 

It’s a peaceful time, Ray decides. They’re next in line when the front doors of the bank slam open. 

 

Most of the people in the bank quickly look to the entrance of the bank. The rest of the people, such as Joel and Ray, only redirect their attention when the gunshots start. 

 

As mentioned before, Ray rarely pays attention to the news, and thus, crews and gangs. Though, it doesn’t really take much thinking through to notice the two males standing at the front doors, guns in hand. The first man, a leather jacket and hockey mask blocking his face, and the other, a terrifyingly eerie gray skull mask and a black-and-blue leather jacket.

 

_ Mogar and the Vagabond. _

 

Ray feels sick.

 

“‘Sup, bitches.” Mogar starts, his gun aimed up at the ceiling. “I think it’s quite obvious how this is gonna go down.”

 

Mogar saunters– yes, saunters, as if he’s walking up for a loan– up to the first banker’s desk, placing a duffel bag on the counter.

 

“Everybody get on the fucking ground, or else you might have a problem with my buddy,  _ Vagabond, _ over there.” Mogar gestures to the skull-masked figure, his stilled frame and silence speaking volumes. 

 

Ray feels dizzy, like he’s close to passing out. Disorientation and fear mixed together makes him frozen, as if he’s unable to move.

 

“Ray, get down.” Joel’s whispering from below causes the attention of the Vagabond, who quickly whirls around to face the direction of Joel and Ray. 

 

A myriad of thoughts spur through Ray’s head, mostly relating to  _ oh my god this is it I’m going to fucking die I’m about to fucking die  _ and they only increase as the Vagabond begins to walk towards him. The Vagabond turns his head towards Mogar, whose back is currently facing the rest of the bank as he shouts at the banker in front of him to just  _ hurry it up _ as if the Vagabond is thinking, and then looks back to Ray.

 

Ray doesn’t even realize he’s trembling. A gasp rips through him as gloved hand lays on his shoulder and pushes him down to the ground. Ray looks up and the Vagabond is walking away. He knows Joel looking at him, but he feels like the whole room is spinning and shaking at the same time. 

 

Every breath he takes feels like another tidal wave of fear crashing through him, and another reminder that the fucking Vagabond was  _ so close  _ to killing him, his hand on his shoulder, and the ghost of a heavy hand pushing him down makes Ray want to scrub his arm off until he can barely feel it anymore.

 

Ray doesn’t register what happens after that. He can hear Mogar speak, again, and a few more gunshots and screams follow after and Ray just clutches for his hair with shaking hands. Joel is saying something to him now, something similar to,  _ Ray, can you hear me, _ and Ray can hear him but there are no words that leave his mouth, just a weak, pathetic whimper but he can’t really bring himself to care right now.

 

Police sirens fill his head now as Joel’s voice barely makes his way to Ray’s brain.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look!!! actual plot!!!!!
> 
> also i just wanna thank everyone for commenting nd stuff it makes my heart happy to see people genuinely enjoy this ok ok ilu all
> 
> thank you for reading! <3


	5. GUILT, COMFORT, AND CHINESE FOOD

**New message to: TAFKAR**

 

Ryan stares down at the blinking insertion point, waiting for some sort of miraculous conversation beginner to come to him. There’s nothing, though– all he can think about is the terrified look on Ray’s face. Ray looked at him like that, like Ryan was going to  _ hurt _ him.

 

He keeps looking down at the screen, typing out a message and gazing at the letters.

 

**You**

_ Hey, what’s up? _

 

“Hey, Rye?” Geoff pats him on the back and Ryan sends the message without further thought (the further thought was probably needed– what a piece of shit text that was). He looks up at him, blinking. Right, they were having a ‘celebration’ after the heist but Ryan considers it anything but a celebration. “You good? You’ve been staring at your phone for like, the past fifteen minutes.” Ryan turns off his phone.

 

“I’m fine.” Ryan says and promptly stands up. “I’m going to go now.” 

 

“We’ve got a meeting tomorrow,” Geoff responds. Ryan ignores the look on his face– a look in which Geoff knows there’s obviously something up, but for once, he doesn’t push it with the questions.

 

“I know,” Ryan exits after that, leaving Geoff and the rest of the crew in the base. 

 

Ryan gets into his car and though he doesn’t feel his phone buzz, he checks anyways– but nothing. He drops his phone into the cupholder, a sigh leaving his lips.

 

Ryan sucks.

 

[ • ]

 

When Ryan gets ready that next morning (more like afternoon), he still never got a response from Ray. Which, he doesn’t blame Ray for, but Ryan feels like shit all the same. In fact, whether Ray had responded or not, he’d still feel like shit! All in all, Ryan feels like shit.

 

He’s seen Ray’s face before, pleasant and happy and warm, but the way his face had contorted into cold hard fear just by looking at him– at  _ Ryan– _ makes Ryan almost nauseous.

  
Though, Ryan needs to take into consideration that Ray doesn’t know that the creepy fuck who basically pushed him to the ground was Ryan. Ray isn’t afraid of Ryan. Ray is afraid of the Vagabond, who is also, conveniently,  _ Ryan. _ Great! 

 

Ryan doesn’t know how to approach this, or if he even  _ should. _ He likes Ray a good amount (AKA, a lot) and knowing the amount of terror he put into Ray, it’s not fair for Ryan to keep fucking Ray up.

 

He pushes aside his moral ambiguities when he realizes he needs to start heading to the base and moves to get into his car. He checks his phone once more before starting his car and realizes how  _ stupid _ he’s being. He shouldn’t continue to expect a message from Ray. He scolds himself in his mind and drops his phone into the cupholder, not without turning his ringer on. 

 

Ryan drives in silence, which is most likely not a good idea, considering his brain is too everywhere, and being in the quiet only increases the everywhere-ness feeling. He doesn’t even realize how deep in his head he is when he realizes he’s going a different route than he usually does when going to the base. He furrows his brow in confusion as he tries to make sense of where the fuck he is. And then, oh, it seems his subconscious had taken him right in the direction of the GameStop because his car pulls onto the street he’s parked on many times before.

 

He pulls his car over to the side, parking it with a bit of hesitation.  _ This is a stupid and slightly creepy idea, _ the [probably] rational side of Ryan insists but he gets out anyway. His brain feels very conflicted as he takes a step into the store. Ray’s not there– Ryan doesn’t know why he automatically assumed Ray would be there,  _ other people work here too, Ryan, get yourself together–  _ and instead it’s some blond kid. 

Ryan walks up to the counter and the kid looks friendly enough. He’s got a rather pleasant and kind demeanor, and Ryan can kind of see that he and Jack have that similarity. 

 

“Hello, um,” Ryan feels way too nervous as he attempts to adjust his composure.  _ Calm down, you kill people, and you’re trying not to die as you talk to what looks like a sixteen-year-old. _  “Is Ray here, by chance? His shift is sometimes around this time, right?” 

 

The guy looks confused, looking almost blankly at Ryan, but then flashes a big smile. “Oh! Are you Ryan?” Ryan nods. “That makes sense. Sorry, I was a bit confused for a second there. I’m Kerry, I’m one of Ray’s friends.” Ryan was about to open his mouth and say some sort of polite commentary like, ‘Nice to meet you, Kerry,’ or the usual, ‘Hi, Kerry, I really like Ray, I’m sorry for scaring him shitless, oh, I’m also the Vagabond, by the way’. Fortunately, before any of that word vomit can come out, Kerry continues. “Ray was at that bank downtown when it got held up last night. He was pretty shaken up about it, so I took his shift for today. Probably a few days, actually. Jack, our boss, is super understanding about the whole thing though.”  _ Shit, right, _ Ryan forgot.  _ Jack is their boss. _ Does he know what Ryan did? 

 

“God, that sounds awful. I don’t blame him for taking a few days off, I’d be pretty shaken up about it too.” Ryan lies right through his fucking teeth, and usually, Ryan doesn’t feel lots of remorse for lying– usually because he’s lying to shitty people– but right now, he feels just downright awful. But Kerry nods in agreement, though. 

 

“I think he’d appreciate any sort of support. So, whenever you have the time, just text him, or something? I’m sure he’d really appreciate it, especially from you,” Kerry says and Ryan has to ignore the last little bit because  _ this isn’t about your gay feelings, Ryan, this is about Ray, who is also the reason for said gay feelings. _

 

“I’ll do that,” Ryan says, and then nods. “Thanks.” 

 

“No problem.” Kerry replies, simply. Ryan begins to make his exit when the blond starts to talk again. “Good to finally meet you, Ryan!” It’s a bit of an exclamation, more specifically, one that takes Ryan a bit off-guard.

 

“You too,” Ryan flashes a small, polite smile and then leaves. When he gets in his car, he then pulls out his phone, opening up the Messages app.

 

**New message to: TAFKAR**

 

**You**

_ I stopped by GameStop and your friend, Kerry told me about what happened last night. I don’t expect you to respond, I can’t begin to even think about what you’re going through, but I’m happy to talk or supply you with take out that you love so much or whatever. Sorry for bothering with a message in the first place, I just wanted to let you know is that I’m here for you  _

 

Ryan sends it after a few moments of consideration before starting up his car and heading to the meeting that he was a little [very] late for.

 

[ • ]

 

_ Nice of you to finally join us, asshole, _ is what Michael said when Ryan arrived to their gathering about 30 minutes late. Geoff would usually gang up on whoever is running late, asking them if they got their dick stuck in a tin can on the way here, or something on that wavelength. But Geoff just shot him a sympathetic look. Ryan would’ve preferred Geoff to bully him, he’s having enough of a pity party by himself, thank you very much. 

 

It’s just a small regrouping meeting, something they commonly do after their heists just to get as much information as they can. Ryan is usually interested in these sorts of informational-bullshit sessions they have, but Ryan is so far gone in his own head that he barely hears the text tone and the vibration following it.

 

“Gavin, how many times have I told you to keep your ringer off during meetings?” Geoff asks and Gavin simply throws his hands up.

 

“It’s not me, Geoff! Jeremy broke my phone after him and Michael were playing drunk basketball with it and he slam-dunked it into the fish tank.” Gavin explains and Ryan blinks slowly, coming back into this plane of existence. He checks his phone.

 

**New message from: TAFKAR**

 

His heart practically falls out of his chest as he [lowkey] scrambles to open his phone.

 

**TAFKAR**

_ yeah, im still pretty freaked out about it. but good guy ray always bounces back yknow? _

 

A small smile stretches across Ryan’s face as he reads the message.  _ Good Guy Ray, _ he repeats in his head, amusedly. The ringer goes off again and Ryan is quick to shut it off this time.

 

**TAFKAR**

_ though i’ll still take up your offer on take out ;) _

 

“Wow, Ryan, two texts? I didn’t know you were capable of talking to people,” Lindsay says, her tone obviously lighthearted, from the other side of the room. 

 

“I’m quite famous, Lindsay.” Ryan replies, albeit it’s a bit weak. Lindsay chuckles anyway, though. Oh well. Ryan tried. He looks down to his phone. He pauses, trying to remember if he has anything else he has to do here. Nope! That’s what Ryan gets for being an absolute loser– he gets all his work done.

 

**You**

_ Give me your address and your favorite take out place and I’ll be there in an hour _

 

**TAFKAR**

_ mr ryan, you are currently my favorite person _

 

Ryan’s heart both rises and sinks at that message.

 

[ • ]

 

Much to his friends’ dismay, Ray commonly uses humor in times of crisis– specifically, humor in times of his  _ own _ crisis. Though, it’s been a bit hard to find any humor at this time. 

 

Mostly just fear and anxiety (and the slight embarrassment of having a panic attack similar to the ones he would have in middle school in front of Joel) really came to him for the first few hours. Joel had offered to stick around his apartment, but Ray told him he just wanted to be alone. But, as soon as Joel left, he immediately regretted that decision. Ray definitely did not want to be alone, especially with his thoughts.

 

But Ray dealt with it the same way he deals with everything else– by playing video games. He stuck to much softer games than he usually would, but he figured he wouldn’t have the stomach (or mind) for shooter games. He did try to sleep, because he really did want to, as he’d gotten minimal sleep the night previous– but when sleep would come, so would the nightmares. After a few more attempts, he kicked that idea and went back to video games.

 

He had texted Kerry about the whole thing, asking him to pick up the next morning’s shift for him, to which Kerry happily agreed with. He then called Jack to let him know, who seemed incredibly understanding, which was nice. But, besides those two interactions, he didn’t bother to look at his phone.

 

At one point into the early morning, Ray had finally fallen asleep after the being-awake-for-at-least-24-hours exhaustion finally came and swept him off his socked feet. He woke up only a few hours later with his face pressed against the arm of his couch and his hair sticking out in every direction, and with a bit of uncomfort that always comes with him falling asleep on his couch after gaming for too long. But, in Ray’s current state, sleep is sleep. 

 

Ray had checked his phone after that, seeing a few texts here and there from Kerry, Miles, Joel and his other friends that probably heard about the whole thing through Kerry or Joel. And then– Ryan.

 

He hates to be like  _ This _ but seeing Ryan’s contact name [yes, cow fucker] in the slew of messages is similar to a breath of fresh air. And, the fact that Ryan had messaged him made his heart warm a little bit– though Depression Ray (who is currently a Big, Prominent Bitch) reminded him that Ryan is probably just trying to be considerate because they are just  _ friends. Just let him have this, Depression Ray. _

 

With Ryan’s promise of being there in an hour, Ray decided to go and take care of himself for once. ‘Take care’, meaning, take a shower. The details of the said shower aren’t really needed, but Ray gives it a rating of 10/10, the warm water lulling him back to a slight sense of comfort. He cleans up a little to try and make Ryan believe that he’s actually kind of a functional human being, throwing away the myriad of Monster cans around his apartment makes Ray come to the realization that he probably shouldn’t drink Monsters every fucking day.

 

After he’s done with that, he decides to simply kill time as he plays Pokémon, stretched out against his couch. He feels… clean. Which is, unsurprisingly, a good feeling. 

 

About an hour and a few minutes pass and Ray hears a knock on his door and Ryan seemed to have kept to his message, seeing the plastic bag of Unhealthy Chinese Takeout™  makes him try to recall the last time he ate. 

 

Ray looks at Ryan and he feels like words are supposed to come out of his mouth at the moment, but Ray must’ve blacked out for a few seconds because now he’s hugging Ryan, his arms around a warm torso that brings him to only more of a comforted state. Ryan hasn’t said anything yet but he seems to hug him in return, and it’s really nice until Ray realizes that he just hugged Ryan out of nowhere and he draws back, his face flushed.

 

“Oh, fuck, I’m sorry–” Ray immediately scrambles for some sort of excuse, running a hand through his slightly damp hair. “I-I got overwhelmed with the sight of food,” Ray says weakly but Ryan gives him a short laugh and a smile.

 

“It’s okay, I get it.” Ryan says, his voice genuine and it makes Ray feel like Ryan  _ does  _ gets it, not Ray’s lame ass excuse, but like,  _ actually _ gets it. Ray wonders what good deeds he’s done to have met someone as wonderful as Ryan. Ray takes a step back so Ryan can get inside, closing the door behind him as Ryan goes over to his kitchen.

 

Ray and Ryan sit at Ray’s rarely used kitchen counter as they eat greasy and majorly unhealthy Chinese food and talk about anything lighthearted that can come to mind. When Ray’s done, he nudges the food away from him on the counter and stretches slightly. The sound of bones cracking– Ray doesn’t know which ones– is audible. Ryan winces.

 

“Why do your bones crack like you’re eighty years old?” Ryan asks that and Ray drops his arms into his lap, an amused grin on his face.

 

“Hey man, I’m getting old.” Ryan squints at him, like he’s glaring, but his amusement is obvious.

 

“You’re twenty-two,” Ryan confirms.

 

“Almost twenty-three.” Ray grins as he holds up three fingers.

 

“If you’re old, what does that make me?” 

 

“A grandpa, obviously.” Ray gets a piece of chicken thrown at him for that response. 

 

They both laugh, and Ray feels that sense of comfort pulling him back to a place that makes things slightly okay again.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for my Less Frequent updates i feel like! this story is rly inadequate and not good so im sorry !
> 
> thank you for reading and i hope u enjoyed! <3


	6. LET'S GET MARRIED!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when ur writing is garbage heart eyes emoji
> 
> [ enjoy ily ]

Ryan went over to Ray’s apartment another few times after that. They’ve been hanging out more in general, which Ray likes, and he guesses that Ryan likes it too, because he keeps showing up.

 

Currently, they’ve found themselves doing the solo campaign in one of the Halo games, switching off the controller once in awhile. It’s certainly not the first time either of them have played the game, and likely, it won’t be the last, so Ray decided to up it up to the Legendary difficulty to keep it interesting– much to Ryan’s whiny dismay.

 

Ryan was keeping up with the higher difficulty, though. He was good at games, and even though he prefers lame PCs over Xboxes, he does know his way around a controller.

 

“What were you complaining about? You’re getting along just fine.” Ray points this out when the controller is in Ryan’s hands. On the screen, Ryan dies. Ryan turns to look at him expectantly. “I said ‘just fine’, not great, Ryan.” Ray makes grabby hands for the controller and Ryan hands it to him.

 

“At least I’m not some superhuman Halo player,” Ryan comments when Ray starts up the level again. “It’s like it’s not even hard for you!” Ryan exclaims a few more minutes into Ray’s playing. Ray shoots him a side eye look and Ray refrains from saying  _ I’ll make it hard _ which honestly doesn’t even make any  _ sense, _ but Ray just gets a mushy, gay brain when he’s around Ryan. He’s trying his best. 

 

“It’s still pretty difficult,” Ray says, shrugging into the back of the couch. 

 

A few more minutes into Ray’s playing and Ryan huffs. “This isn’t fair.”

 

“It’s not like we’re competing against each other, Rye.” Ray points out, his eyes not leaving the screen.

 

“I just want to see you struggle. Just once,” Ryan says.

 

“Sorry for being good.” Ray replies with a smile on his face.

 

“How about you use a pistol through one whole level?” Ryan suggests after some more silence. “Maybe that can prove how good you really are.”

 

“How would using a pistol prove my worth as a Halo player?” Ray asks, but he gives no time to reply as he shrugs. “Fine. You’re on, dork.” Ray says as he changes his weapon to an M6.

 

The next 30 minutes is filled with Ray muttering bitter comments, dying a few times.

 

“This is awful,” Ray states. “You’re awful.” Ryan just chuckles.

 

Ray forgot how time works after that, but he does know it took a  _ long fucking time. _ As soon as he beats it, he jumps up in excitement.

 

“That was the worst thing I’ve ever done and I didn’t even get an achievement for it!” Ray exclaims, though his tone is happy even if his words weren’t. Ray, the loser, hopped up on the adrenaline of playing a fucking video game, turns to Ryan, who had stood up with him, and  _ hugs him. _

 

It felt natural, which scares Ray a little bit because he thinks that he could get used to this. It’s not something that he should get used to. Ray feels warm arms circle around him, similar to the last (and only) other time they’ve hugged before. Ray’s face feels warm and his brain is fuzzy and it’s like he’s a fucking  _ teenager _ again with the way he’s acting right now. 

  
Ray pulls back after probably a few too many seconds longer than he should’ve, but Ryan doesn’t seem to mind. He scrambles up for an excuse anyways.

 

“Sorry, uh,” Ray’s face is definitely pink at this point. “Adrenaline, dude.” Ray chuckles nervously and sits down. Ryan sits down too and doesn’t say anything but he does chuckle a little bit, and Ray can’t figure out if that’s good or not, but Ray being Ray decides that it’s very bad.

 

[ • ]

  
  


**New message from: Ray-bies**

 

The fateful notification pops up on Ryan’s phone at the most dangerous time: 

 

When-Gavin-is-around-and-Ryan-is-in-the-bathroom o’clock. 

 

As a little bit of setting up the scene, it was the average, criminal-business-filled day, and Ryan had shown up to the base that day only because he had nothing better to do. That, and Geoff had lured him into the base today with the promise of Diet Coke and chocolate if he could go and fix Geoff’s computer. Some sort of very easy issue that could be fixed very easily– but Geoff doesn’t know shit about computers. Ryan took the bait and came in.

 

Ryan was working at his desk for once, because Geoff needed his office space for a phone call. Honestly, the issue could’ve been fixed awhile ago, but Ryan was multitasking between texting Ray and fixing the computer. That, and his eyes wandering over to Gavin every few moments, because he can sense Gavin watching him when Ryan wasn’t looking. 

 

Ryan felt a little suspicious, curious to what Gavin’s problem was, but didn’t really act further on it. Currently, him and Ray were having a debate about the benefits of an Xbox vs PC– a conversation they seem to have quite a lot.

 

**Ray-bies**

_ at least xboxes dont cost four million dollars and the rent of a small mexican home _

 

[Note: Yes, Ryan did change Ray’s contact name on his phone. It was a pun he made which Ray seemed to disapprove of, so he kept it.]

 

**You**

_ The rent of a small Mexican home is worth it if it comes to good graphics _

 

This was just a small snippet of their conversation, before Ryan got up to go to the bathroom, and, like a fool, left his phone at his desk.

 

And, switching over to Gavin’s perspective–

 

“Ryan is taking longer than he usually would at something like this.” Gavin observed to Michael, quietly, who was probably doing actual work. “He keeps checking his phone.  _ Like he’s actually talking to someone.” _ Gavin whispered the last bit dramatically. 

 

Michael scoffed. “Impossible. Ryan is incapable of talking to people.” 

 

“I think we were right about the whole ‘Ryan having a secret girlfriend’ thing.” Michael just looked at him like Gavin said the stupidest thing ever, which is false– Gavin has said much, much stupider things. “I’m serious, Micoo! He’s been too delighted to have just a friend.”

 

“Okay, Gav.” Michael went back to his work and Gavin continued to Ryan-watch.

 

Then, Ryan got up: a perfect opportunity for Gavin Striking Time.

 

Gavin waited for a few moments for Ryan to be completely gone. Then, he stood up and moved to Ryan’s desk.

 

“Gavin,” Michael said, warily. “Ryan’s gonna eat you.” But, it’s in Gavin’s blood to be nosey. Fortunately, (not for Ryan) that’s when his phone buzzed again, and that’s where the story is now.

 

_ “Rabies?” _ Gavin reads out loud. Michael, who is nosey– but less aware of it, now moves over to Ryan’s desk and looks over Gavin’s shoulder.

 

**Ray-bies**

_ youre a shallow man >:( _

 

Ryan’s phone has a password so the two can’t get any sort of context behind the text.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Michael asks as he reads the text on screen.

 

“I dunno,” Gavin shrugs, and sets Ryan’s phone down. Though, the phone does buzz again.

 

**Ray-bies**

_ youre just a FOOL whos still bitter about getting their ass kicked in cod _

 

Which, still doesn’t bring anymore context.

 

“What are you two doing?” The low voice makes both Gavin and Michael reel back like two kids that were just caught in the act of doing something bad by a parent. Which is oddly fitting for this situation.

 

“Nothin’,” Michael responds, shrugging, at the same time as Gavin talks,

 

“Who’s Rabies?”

 

Ryan’s brow furrows and then quickly comes to a realization of what Gavin is talking about.

 

“Is your nose the reason why you’re so nosey?” Ryan asks and Gavin gasps loudly. Michael cackles as he goes back to his own spot.

 

“Ryan!” Gavin says, offended and Ryan moves to sit down, picking his phone up. “Are they the secret lover that you’re hiding from us?” Ryan just shoots a glare at him, but Gavin takes it as no threat as he coos, because Ryan Haywood–  _ the Vagabond– _ is blushing. “You’re blushing!”

 

“No, he isn’t my secret lover. He’s my friend, if you must know. Will that sate your need to look at my phone?” Ryan says, bitterly. Again, Gavin pays no attention to Ryan’s threatening stare. Man, Ryan remembers when he used to actually intimidate people in this crew. Apparently, not anymore.

 

“When’s the wedding, Ryan?” Michael asks smugly from the other side of the room.

 

“Ryan, was I not invited to a wedding?” Geoff asks, in the doorway of his office. Ryan has to retain a groan.

 

“I’m fixing your computer for you.” Ryan shoots back, looking at his boss. Geoff shrugs.

 

“I would’ve appreciated an invitation,” Geoff mumbles.

 

“An invitation?” Jack shows up now.  _ Oh, awesome! Jack’s here! _

 

“To Ryan’s wedding,” Gavin explains. Then, another gasp.

 

_ “Ryan’s getting married?!” _ Jeremy pops up now and Ryan is plotting all of their murders.

 

“What did you not get from ‘he’s my friend’?” Ryan asks. “Am I not allowed to have those?” 

 

“You don’t have those.” Trevor corrects.  _ When was he even here? _

 

And Matt shows up, now, too. “Besides me, of course. We’re best friends, right, Ryan? And because we’re best friends, I’m not apart of whatever murder plan you’re thinking of right now.” Matt says, and  _ anybody in this room currently is apart of Ryan’s murder plan. _

 

“Ooh! Ryan, can the wedding be before our funerals?” Gavin says.

 

And Ryan stands up, phone in hand, and leaves. He just. Leaves.

 

[ • ]

 

Hours later, Ryan has collected a few text messages from a few of his crewmates.

 

**Open Mouth Free**

_ Ryan forgive me I don’t want to die _

 

**Jichael Mones**

_ ugh this is so sad can we get five likes _

 

**The Short One**

_ Ryan!!! I really didn’t know you’re getting married. As your Battle Buddy, I would’ve expected to learn it from you. I am hurt :( _

 

**Voice Twin**

_ I don’t really know what happened, but I better apologize anyways. Sorry. _

 

And, the most tear-jerking one,

 

**Mr Herman**

_ you didn’t fix my computer. _

 

Ryan really,  _ really _ hates this crew.

 

[ • ]

 

Ray looks up as the familiar clinking of the door opening and closing is heard. Three men filter through the doorway, but they aren’t unfamiliar. Ray remembers their names– Geoff and Michael, and, oh, Ryan’s there too. 

 

“Hey, Ray.” Ryan greets him from across the store as Geoff walks up to the counter, an action that Ray is used to. Ray gives him a small wave and the look that Michael shoots Ryan doesn’t go unnoticed.

 

“Is Jack here?” Geoff asks and Ray nods. “Great, thanks, kid.” Ray ignores the ‘kid’ as usual and Geoff disappears into the shadow realm that is the Back Room™. Michael pulls out his phone quickly, typing away. Ryan begins to head towards the counter now, so Ray speaks up.

 

“You still playing Pokémon, Rye?” Ray asks and Ryan looks at him with a frown.

 

“I’m lost at the Rocket Base thing,” Ryan explains. “I need an elevator key but I don’t know where it is.” Ray leans back in thought.

 

“Did you fight everyone in the base?” Ray asks. Ryan has a habit of trying to ignore everyone he can in the game, which is a mood, but also, not the best way to play Pokémon.

 

“No.” Ryan says and Ray just looks at him. “I didn’t figure I’d need a key for a damn elevator.”

 

“So you’re not lost, just a lazy bitchboy.” 

 

“I’m not a bitchboy.”

 

“Bitchman?” 

 

“No. Stop.” 

 

“If you’re not a bitchboy, you’d actually fight the people.”

 

“They walk around with one Pokémon. Do they really think that’ll help them?”

 

“So you’d rather fight six Pokémon in a battle? Each battle would take, like, forever.” 

 

“I don’t want to, but it’s only fair.” 

 

“Ryan, children play this game. Fairness means noth–”At that time, Jack and Geoff walk through the door and Ryan turns to look at them. 

 

“Alright. Let’s go, boys.” Geoff declares and Ray sees Michael glance up at Ray before back down to his phone.

 

“See you later, Ray.” Ryan says as he turns to leave, along with Michael, who was already halfway out the door. 

 

“Try to actually fight the Grunts in the base, and you’ll get that key.” Ray says back playfully and Ryan sticks his tongue out at him.

 

[ • ]

 

As soon as Ryan gets in the car, he immediately wants to get out. But he’s driving, so the car would probably crash and he’d have to listen to Geoff whine about his car getting fucked.

 

“Ray’s pretty cute, huh, Ryan?” Michael asks from the back seat. Ryan looks at him through the rearview mirror and can see the smug, asshole look on his face that Michael seems to get much more often now.

 

“Okay, Michael.” Ryan chooses not to entertain him.

 

“Why are you talking about my employee like that?” Jack asks but he gets ignored.

 

“You think I could get his number?” Ryan  _ knows _ that Michael is trying to get under his skin, but Ryan can’t help but to feel a little irritated at the premise of Michael getting Ray’s number just to spite Ryan. Ray shouldn’t be used like that.

 

“I’m not sure Gavin will appreciate that.” Ryan says coolly. 

 

“Gav would be happy to join.” Michael responds. Ryan grips onto the steering wheel and Geoff groans.

 

“Nobody cares about your threesome, Michael,” Geoff says and Ryan hopes Michael will shut up.

 

“It seems like Ryan cares,” Michael says. “That’s all.”

 

“I don’t care,” Ryan mumbles. “Have a threesome. Have ten.”

 

“I am so confused,” Jack mutters and Michael says nothing.

 

[ • ]

 

[Bonus: What Michael Was Doing In The Store]

 

**New message to: Boi <3**

 

**You**

_ boi!  _

 

**Boi <3**

_ Yeah, boi? _

 

**You**

_ i think i mightve found out who ryans ‘‘‘‘‘‘‘friend’’’’’’’ is _

 

**You**

_ remember the twinky cashier at gamestop?  _

 

**Boi <3**

_ Yeah!!!!! _

 

**You**

_ his name is ray _

 

**You**

_ which makes the ‘ray-bies’ thing make sense _

 

**You**

_ what a gay contact name _

 

**Boi <3**

_ Says you, ‘Boi <3’ :)  _

 

**You**

_ whatever _

 

**You**

_ this is SO gay theyre talking about pokemon and basically flirting _

 

**You**

_ im gonna try and bother ryan about it and see if he spills anything _

 

**Boi <3**

_ My detective prince <3 _

 

**You**

_ stop bein gay lets get married _

 

**Boi <3**

_ I’ve already signed the papers! _  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like my writing is decreasing in quality and??? idk it just sucks I Just Suck
> 
> thank u to anybody who has read this far and has like. stuck with it
> 
> even though this fic is an ugly baby its still my baby im gonna try and raise it well
> 
> thank u for reading!!! <3


	7. I FEEL OKAY WHEN YOU'RE AROUND

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another panic attack nd some vomit [i kept the details of the vom to a minimum because i hate vomit]
> 
> enjoy!

Ray feels himself melting, consumed in fire in a nondescript building. There’s nothing around him but fallen support beams and flames. His heart is beating out of his chest with both adrenaline and fear, but he can’t move– like he’s frozen in his spot, like he was at the bank, except he’s sitting this time on his knees. Ray hears gunshots, and a voice shouting. He’s helpless. All he can do is sit there and melt.

 

A figure appears from the flames. Ray opens his mouth to beg for help, but he can’t speak, the figure drawing closer and closer. Ray’s vision is a bit blurry, but when the figure finally comes into his field of vision, he immediately knows who it is. The Vagabond.

 

Ray’s eyes widen as he tries to move again, anywhere far enough from the Vagabond where he can possibly escape, but he’s still frozen. The skull mask stares right at him, boring right into Ray’s melting body.

 

The Vagabond moves quick, reaching inside of his black leather jacket. Ray realizes that there’s a gun in his hand, and he’s staring right down the barrel of it. He hadn’t even noticed that the Vagabond had gotten this close to him. The barrel moves to his forehead, the tip of the gun pressing against his skin and Ray wishes he could shout, move, run, anything. But there’s nothing he can do.

  
He feels himself die. He always figured it’d be painless; getting shot with a gun, but pain shoots through him just as the bullet does. He drops down to the ground, the flames overtaking his melting form and the last thing he sees is the Vagabond standing over him, still and analyzing.

 

Ray wakes up with a startled gasp of air. He quickly gets out of bed and moves to the bathroom, dropping down to his knees and throws up. His entire body shudders with each gag and hurling motion that comes. 

 

When he has nothing left to vomit, he flushes the toilet before sitting up, his entire body shaking. He doesn’t even notice that he’s crying, figuring the blurriness of his sight is simply because his lack of glasses. But when he feels hot tears streaming down his face, that’s how he become aware of it. Heavy sobs wrack his body, curling in on himself on the floor, against his shower door, his legs pulled to his chest and his forehead against his knees.

 

“Ray?” Ray jumps a little bit before looking up at the doorway, and there stands Ryan. Ray briefly wonders how he got here– before remembering Ray offered for Ryan to stay the night after a particularly long night of playing video games. “Is everything alright?” His tone is so sincere and concerned. Ray feels like an idiot. 

 

Ray opens his mouth to protest, tell Ryan that _yes, everything is fine,_ _I’m just sitting in my bathroom crying and throwing up because it’s a prank, haha, got you,_ but then another wave of sobs rush through him and he can barely breathe. He shuts his eyes and presses his forehead down against his knees again so Ryan can’t look at him.

 

He can’t really hear anything because his own loud cries filling the small bathroom but he can soon feel Ryan’s hand on his back, soft and gentle, rubbing small circles. Nobody has comforted Ray during his episodes like this, so he felt a little tense from Ryan’s touch. Though, his sobs turn to weak cries and sniffling much quicker than when Ray’s alone, and he soon finds himself used to the feeling of the warmth.

 

He doesn’t make an effort to move and look at Ryan, but speaks up, his voice hoarse and quivering. “Sorry, I just–” Ray lets out a weak, sad laugh. “Bad dream. I’m being dramatic.” 

 

“You aren’t being dramatic.” Ryan claims. His voice is quiet, which Ray appreciates, because he doesn’t know if he can handle loud noises right, but at the same time, he feels embarrassed that Ryan is practically babying him. 

 

“Pretty dramatic.” Ray mumbles. Ryan’s arm is now around his shoulders and Ray leans into it a little. Ray doesn’t know how Ryan knew that he needed that– but it seems like Ryan knows what Ray needs more than Ray does.

 

“I know how bad nightmares can be, Ray. You’re not being dramatic.” Ray doesn’t know how to respond to that. He pauses and lifts an arm up to wipe at his tear-stained face with the sleeve of his hoodie. They sit there for awhile in silence, Ray taking deep, shuddering breaths every now and then and appreciating the weight of Ryan’s arm on his shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry for waking you up if you were sleeping,” Ray speaks up, his breathing even now but still not looking at Ryan. Ray doesn’t think he  _ can _ look at Ryan. Despite Ryan’s assurance, he still feels stupid. But that’s not new– he always feels stupid. “And then for crying on you. For, y’know, like, forty minutes.”

 

“You don’t have to apologize for having feelings.” Ryan says. “And you didn’t wake me up.”

 

“You probably have like, shit to do and stuff. Like a job. Errands. Whatever. Not comforting a fucking nerd.” Ray mumbles, though he doesn’t make an effort to move from where he’s leaning against Ryan’s side. “What do you even do for a job?” Ray asks, twisting his hoodie strings as he feels Ryan shift a little next to him.

 

“Freelance IT stuff.” Ryan says. “Obviously not as grandiose as a GameStop employee.” Ray laughs at that, swatting slightly at Ryan’s leg.

 

“You’re just jealous.”

 

“Of what? Having a boss like Jack?” There’s a scoff. “Certainly not jealous.”

 

“Jack is great. You’re totally jealous.”

 

“Deep down, he’s a bitter man, Ray.”

 

“Maybe he is great, and he’s just bitter to you because he doesn’t like you.”

 

“Jack doesn’t know what’s happening nearly eight-five percent of the time.”

 

“So? Neither do I.”

 

“You don’t know what’s happening, like, sixty-five percent of the time.”

 

“Still compatible. Me and him are like best friends now.”

 

Ray still feels bad. But, he feels noticeably less bad because Ryan’s here, starting a conversation with him like Ray didn’t just have a forty five minute crying episode.

 

[ • ]

 

Unfortunately, Ray soon realized that he has a shift today, so they both get up so Ryan can make his exit and Ray can get ready. When he first gets up, he’s a bit disoriented, both from crying and still not having his glasses on. He does go and grab his glasses real quick before going to the door to say bye to Ryan. Ray realizes he probably looks like a fucking mess, but also– when does he not?

 

Ryan turns around to face Ray at the front door and this is vaguely a mirror into that first time they hung out at Ryan’s apartment– the night right before the bank, so it’s kind of a bittersweet memory for Ray, especially in his current state. Ryan opens his mouth.

 

“So–” Ryan starts but is suddenly greeted with Ray hugging him. He doesn’t know why he’s found such comfort in Ryan’s touch– but he also realizes he’s being weird and  _ really needs to stop doing this. _ He pulls back, quickly. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Ray begins, his face feeling hot. “I just–”

 

“Ray,” Ryan puts a hand on his shoulder and Ray untenses (he didn’t even notice he was tense in the first place). “You do know you don’t have to apologize for hugging me, right? It’s not, like, a bad thing or anything.”

 

“I don’t want to be weird.” Ray mumbles, his eyes shifting down and away– anywhere from Ryan’s [attractive] face. He can hear Ryan sigh, and he’s being pulled now, and, oh, they’re hugging again. Ryan pulls back this time (and honestly? Ray wishes he didn’t).

 

“Was that weird?” Ryan asks.

 

“No,” Ray manages to look at Ryan again. 

 

“Good.” Ryan says, giving him a small smile. “How about I give you a ride to work?”

 

Ray thinks about it. “I gotta get ready real quick. Brush my teeth to get the taste of vom out of my mouth.”

 

“That’s fine,” Ryan nods, then pauses. He tilts his head slightly.  _ “Vom?” _

 

“Yeah, Ryan,  _ vom.” _ Ray repeats. “Vomit? Throw up? Yack?” Ryan shakes his head. “Barf? Blow chunks? Technicolor yawn?”

 

“Gross. Stop.”

 

“Tactical chunder?”

 

“Go and get ready, Ray.”

 

[ • ]

 

Jack likes sorting the shelves whenever he gets the time to do it. The heathens who come here never put the shit back where they found it after picking it up. Jack doesn’t see why that’s so fucking  _ difficult _ to comprehend, but he enjoys the repetitive task of putting the games back in their respective sections.

 

He pulls Super Smash Bros out of the PS4 section and he looks down at the game with extreme disdain.  _ How do people live with themselves like this?  _ During this, something catches the corner of his eye out of the window. It’s Ryan’s car– Jack would know that gross bitch from anywhere. He’s confused as he tries to remember if there’s any sort of meeting going on that Jack missed the details of, but nothing comes to mind. 

 

And then Ray gets out of the car, and Jack is only  _ more _ confused. 

 

“Hi Ray,” Jack greets Ray when he walks inside, heading for the counter. “You got a ride?”

 

“Yeah, I did. Got it from a friend,” Ray says, plopping down on the stool. “That’s why I’m early for once.” Jack chuckles and moves his way over to the Wii section, searching for the correct place for the game he was looking at previous.

 

“Miles?” Jack guesses innocently, shifting his eyes to look at the younger male. Ray shakes his head.

 

“No, uh,” Ray moves to pull out his DS while he trips over his words a bit. “Ryan? He comes in here a bit to go and see you.” Jack places the game back into its respective place and huffs, going back to search for more outliers.

 

“Oh, yeah, Ryan.” Jack says very awkwardly. Ray seems to already be interested in his DS more than he is in Jack. But Jack isn’t giving up this time, nobody is telling him fucking  _ shit _ about what’s been happening, more specifically, what’s happening with Ryan. “Are you two good friends?”

 

Ray looks up from his DS to Jack and shrugs. “I’d say so. We hang out and talk a lot.” 

 

“That’s nice. Cool. Nice and cool.” Jack says, recalling to the many times in the past where Ryan is more occupied with his phone than a conversation, or when Ryan denies going out due to the fact that ‘he has plans’ but Ryan has never had plans before then. And, unforgettably, the bank incident– which makes much more sense now. “Well, Ryan doesn’t have lots of friends. I’m glad that you’re one of them.”

 

“Yeah,” Ray pauses, and Jack doesn’t miss the flush that comes to Ray’s cheeks. Ray shifts a little in his seat. “He’s a good friend. I’m glad I’m one of them, too.” Jack stands there for a few seconds, and then smiles. Ray is already looking down at his DS again so he doesn’t notice.

 

“I’m gonna go to my office now.” Jack announces and Ray waves at him. 

 

Once in his office, Jack sits down and sighs.

 

Ryan– he doesn’t make friends. Certainly not with civilians. And Jack knows about the shit Ryan pulled in the bank, Ray told him about it over the phone. Jack never got to talk to him about it, and bringing it up with Ryan would only make him raise his defenses more. When he heard about it, he had absolutely no clue why Ryan didn’t just fucking merk Ray on the spot (Jack is thankful he didn’t do that, though– Ray’s a good kid, and a good employee) but now it makes a lot of sense.

 

And the whole teasing thing that Michael tried to pull a few weeks ago, and the ‘wedding’ fiasco that included Ryan not talking to any of them for like, a week.

 

Jack should be a detective. Except he shouldn’t, because he’s a criminal. 

  
He also shouldn’t have to become one if his crewmates would just tell him what the  _ fuck _ is going on for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this is short?????????? im sorry
> 
> pls let me know what u think of this fic! i love feedback and all tht jazz
> 
> thank you for reading! <3


	8. [GOOD CHAPTER TITLE HERE]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im losing motivation so that's why this chapter sucks juice
> 
> nonetheless enjoy !

“I am  **not** going. You can’t make me.” Ryan crosses his arms, remaining unmoving from his stance in the garage as Gavin and Michael try to shove him into the damn car. 

 

“He won’t bloody  _ move,” _ Gavin whines.

 

“He’s built like a brick shithouse.” Michael says. Geoff stands in front of Ryan, stanced up as well, his arms crossed (though, Geoff is an inch or so shorter than him).

 

“Ryan, why do you hate us?” Geoff asks.

 

“I’ve made a list. Would you like to see it?” Ryan asks right back. Geoff just groans, dropping his arms back down to his sides.

 

Now, context– Ryan is currently being harrassed to go bar-crawling with the crew, which he really doesn’t want to do. Their reasoning is that Ryan doesn’t go out with them to bars anymore. But that’s because Ryan has decided that hanging out with four drunk, loud idiots and one sober, but just as loud idiot is not how Ryan wants to spend his nights. 

 

“Why won’t you come?” His boss asks, and Ryan almost says  _ that’s what she said _ before realizing, wow, maybe he spends too much time with Ray.

 

_ [As if that’s not obvious.] _

 

“I have dignity now.” 

 

“Lies!” Gavin exclaims from behind him, still shoving at Ryan’s back with an effort that is laughable. Michael seems to have given up, now standing nearby the car.

 

“Gavin, you’re gonna have to try harder than that.” Ryan says. Gavin huffs. Ryan wishes that maybe Jack was here right now, and could maybe side with him, but then Ryan remembers that Jack is just as much of an asshole than anybody else in this crew.

 

“Ryan, you should know better than to think that you’re getting out of this.” Michael comments from behind Geoff. “Hey, why not get your boyfriend to come along?” 

 

“No.” Ryan says right away. “He’s also not my boyfriend!” He adds on quickly (and rather defensively, might I add). 

 

“Oh! Ryan! Invite him! We can finally meet him!” Gavin exclaims.

 

“You’ve already met him, boi.” Michael says.

 

“Informally meet him!” He corrects himself.

 

“You want me to introduce him to a bunch of criminals?” Ryan asks as he ignores the hypocrisy of his own statement. Though, Geoff is quick to point that out.

 

“You’re a criminals.” Geoff responds. Ryan ignores him, too, but that’s mostly because of that terrible fucking grammar.

 

“Think of it as a compromise. We get you to actually agree to going out with us, and you get to kiss all over your twinky boyfriend.” Michael says. Ryan thinks about it– not the kissing Ray part (maybe thinks about it a little bit), but inviting Ray out. Michael was right, there really was no way of getting out of going with them. So, he might as well be selfish and pull Ray out of his cave of an apartment.

 

“Stop calling him my boyfriend and I’ll do it.” Ryan says. 

 

“Deal.” Michael grins and Gavin cheers.

 

“I get to drive by myself though.” Ryan says pointedly and Michael shrugs. Ryan knows that Michael will drive– which is the  _ worst _ fucking idea. 

 

Ryan feels like surviving today, thank you very much.

 

[ • ]

 

Ray was busy solving big mathematic equations and doing scientific research when– just kidding, it’s fucking Ray we’re talking about here. He was playing video games when he gets a phone call from Ryan. His big gay heart flutters in a big gay way as he presses pause on his game, leaning back into his couch as he answers the call.

 

“Go ahead caller, you’re on the air.” Ray says, and he hears a small chuckle from the other side of the call. “What’s up? You don’t call me, like, ever.” 

 

_ “Are you busy?” _ Ryan asks and Ray contemplates what classifies as ‘busy’ as he looks at his TV screen and the pipe that lies absent on his coffee table. 

 

“Nah.” Ray decides, sitting up a little.

 

_ “Me and some… friends are going to go to some bar tonight. Do you want to come with? Most of them will be drunk idiots and I’d like to have some sort of companionship that is enjoyable.” _ Ray hums a little as he thinks about it. Cons: going out in public, having to talk to people he doesn’t know, the fear of anybody asking him to drink, the list sort of goes on after that. Pros: Ryan– that’s kind of it, but it’s a pretty big pro.

 

“...So do your friends only like going to bars on weekdays, or…?” Ray trails off and he can hear Ryan scoff through the phone.

 

_ “At least they go out.” _

 

“Coming from you. But sure, I’ll go.” Ray says. “Where is it?”

 

_ “I can pick you up.” _ Ryan offers.  _ “It’s downtown.”  _

 

“Oh, big icky yucky.” Ray– a real human being– says out loud. To the dude he’s very gay for, no less. But downtown sucks. It’s full of old, white bureaucrats and businessmen that would do anything to eat the poor and– oh, right, Ryan lives downtown too. “Yeah, pick me up.” Ray says.

 

_ “I’ll be there in ten.” _

 

[ • ]

 

“Such a gentleman.” Ray comments as he walks through the door of the bar that Ryan was currently holding open.

 

“You know me.” Ryan says and Ray rolls his eyes. Ryan looks around the bar for a moment before seeming to find what he was looking for. The bar was a bit crowded, something that Ray doesn’t particularly care for. Ray realizes he doesn’t care for  _ any _ of this as Ryan leads him through the crowd, soon nearing five men standing around a high table. Ray recognizes them very quickly. 

 

Ryan gets Ray’s attention when he rests a warm hand on Ray’s back and Ray relaxes visibly (without even noticing– this seems like it’s a common theme now).

 

“You okay?” Ryan asks quietly, leaning in so Ray can hear him better. The big gay alarms are going off because Ryan is Close and Ray is going to Die. 

 

Ray nods, swallowing down any sort of gay remark he was close to making. “Yeah, I’m alright.” He says, and then smiles a little. “I just forgot that most bars probably don’t pass FDA regulation.” Ryan chuckles and leans back again–  _ Thank God. _

 

“I’m sure your apartment doesn’t pass FDA regulation either.” Ryan responds and Ray glares at him. 

 

“Ryan!” Geoff shouts from the table, waving at them. Ryan’s hand moves from his back and heads to the table with Ray following. When Ray looks towards the group, he sees Michael looking at him a bit too intently, and furthermore making Ray already uncomfortable.

 

“Hello,” Ryan announces when they get to the table. 

 

“Aren’t you going to introduce us to Ray?” Geoff asks. Honestly, Ray is surprised that Geoff actually knows his name.

 

“We’ve met before, multiple times.” Ray replies.

 

“I appreciate formalities, Ray.” The tattooed man replies, and Ray can see from the corner of his eye that Michael is leaning over to Gavin, whispering something in his ear. Ray pushes that down and just laughs nervously, looking back to Ryan.

 

“Well, that’s Geoff, and then you know who that is.” Ryan points at Jack.

 

“I don’t believe we’ve met.” Ray shakes his head and Jack chuckles.

 

“Hi Ray.” Jack says. “Good to see you still wear the same sweatshirt even outside of work.” 

 

“Good to see you still wear your ugly Hawaiian shirts outside of work.” Jack frowns at that while Geoff laughs at him.

 

“Then Jeremy,” Ryan continues, pointing next to Jack at Small Angry Man– though he doesn’t look very angry now. Jeremy waves at him as he sets down an empty glass. “And Michael and Gavin. I think they’re already drunk, though.” Michael had pulled away from Gavin when Ryan pointed them out.

 

“No,  _ you’re _ already drunk,” Gavin turns it around, similar to how a child would. 

 

“That was a good comeback, boi.” Michael says next to him, giving the Brit a big kiss on the cheek.  _ Huh. Nothing like two bros, I guess. _

 

“Thanks, boi!” Gavin beams.

 

“Ray, do you drink?” Jeremy asks. “Or are you a nerd, like Ryan?”

 

Ray shakes his head. “I don’t drink, but I’m nowhere near as nerdy as Ryan.”

 

“I’m not a nerd.” Ryan butts in and Ray comes to the realization that him and Ryan are pretty close together, despite the room they have. Michael is looking at him again and he shifts away a little. Michael glances away.

 

“You’re a pretty big nerd.” Geoff says and Ryan looks at him, insulted. “What? It’s true!”

 

“What makes me a nerd?” Ryan asks.

 

“You do computer stuff.” Ray says.

 

“You went to college.” Jack says and that wasn’t something Ray knew before, but it’s also not surprising.

 

“You read, like, books.” Michael says.

 

“So being educated makes me a nerd?” Ryan frowns and Ray feels a warmth spreading through his chest. He finds that warmth there commonly when he’s around Ryan– and it’s both comforting and scary at the same time. Scary, because Ray has never felt like this around someone before (pretty fucking cheesy, Ray). Comforting, though, because it’s Ryan. 

 

[And he knows that it’s not a possibility that Ryan feels a similar way– that they’re just friends and that’s that. But Ray is pushing that aside for now.]

 

“Yes!” Geoff exclaims, bringing Ray back to the present– where it’s very loud and Ryan is being bullied.

 

[ • ]

 

Ryan was more than happy to see how easily Ray blended in with the group, chatting and laughing and smiling and doing things to Ryan’s heart that makes him briefly wonder if all the sugar from the Diet Cokes was finally giving in and he will die of a heart attack very shortly. 

 

He finds himself right next to Ray, and he also finds himself enjoying being right next to Ray, too. What he would enjoy more if he could put an arm around Ray, or maybe just hold his hand– but any contact is okay with him currently. He ignores the looks that Michael has been giving them all night, as if he knows a secret. Drunk Michael is one of the worst Michaels– and there are plenty of Michaels that Ryan doesn’t care for.

 

It’s getting late, Ryan realized a few moments before a few of the guys go to retrieve another round of drinks, Ryan turns to Ray, who is drinking from a glass of Coke. Ryan nudges him as he sets the now-almost-empty glass back down on the table.

 

“Hey,” Ryan says and Ray looks up at him. He looks flushed from what Ryan guesses to be the building heat of the bar as it grows to be more crowded– and he looks  _ absolutely adorable, _ if he may add.  _ Fuck. _ “It’s pretty late. Do you want to go?” 

 

Ray seems to think about it for a moment. “Sure.” The two stand up straight as the guys come back to the table.

 

“You two leaving?” Geoff asks and Ryan nods. “Great, I have to be stuck with the drunk idiots.” 

 

“Now you know what it’s like to be the only sober one around drunk idiots, Geoff.” Ryan replies while the other male groans. Jack leans over and pats his back.

 

“It’s okay, Geoff. I’m sober.” Jack says, totally sober. [He’s not.] Geoff groans again and Ryan laughs at him. He mumbles something that Ryan can’t hear from where he is, but it’s probably something similar to, ‘Asshole’.

 

“We’re leaving now.” Ryan announces and turns to leave before there’s any further interjections, Ray following suit.

 

[ • ]

 

“Look me in the eyes and tell me they aren’t banging, Jack.” Gavin points at the bearded man. Not even after Ray and Ryan got out the door, the crew have already started talking about the two. 

 

“Drunk Jack says nothing. Drunk Jack still respects his employees.” Jack shakes his head as he talks. Third person talk means that Jack is definitely very drunk. Basically– Drunk Jack is just a caveman, apparently.

 

“Why don’t you respect any of us, then?” The Brit whines, leaning more on Michael as he continues his sentence.

 

“You guys aren’t my employees. You do nothing for me.”

 

“For once, I agree with Gavin.” Jeremy chirps in, and then promptly slams down a beer, so he adds nothing else.  _ Helpful Jeremy is helpful. _

 

“They were making love eyes at each other like, the whole time.” Michael comments.

 

“You would know. You were staring at them the whole time.” Geoff responds now and Michael gives a loose shrug.

 

“I was observing.” 

 

“Staring.” Jack agrees, apparently.

 

“Whatever it was, even though it was just _ observing,” _ Michael uses heavy emphasis on the last word. “If those too aren’t deeply in love with each other by now, I don’t think love is real.”

 

“You know what they say,” Jeremy says. “What  _ is  _ love?”

 

“You’re fired, Jeremy.”

 

_ “Geoff!” _

 

[ • ]

 

Instead of Ryan going straight to Ray’s apartment to drop him off, they stop at some random ice cream shop. They’re standing in line (a bit too close for a ‘friend’ distance) and talking, waiting patiently for the people in front of them to finish up. This seems like a perfect setting for that one clich é where the two people start arguing about who should pay to show that they’re both ‘down to earth’ or whatever and it’s always cute and great and all that. 

  
But Ryan turns to Ray and says, “I’ll pay.”

 

Ray shrugs, and replies, “You offered,” because that’s what Ryan and Ray are like. Ryan laughs and Ray decides that it’s been a pretty good night as that warmth in his chest spreads through him now and it’s a cozy feeling.

 

And then that sense of coziness dissipates slightly when Ray feels off-put. He glances around and sees two guys sitting in a booth. They look like common civilians but there was something that made Ray just slightly uncomfortable. They both had small frames or possibly they were just slouched so much that Ray doesn’t notice. One of them is staring right at him and Ryan, though, but he looked away as soon as Ray turned. 

  
He looks up to Ryan, but he’s oblivious, chatting on about something that Ray forgot to pick up on at first. But he lets go of any true cautionary thoughts to the two strange dudes as he loses himself in talking to Ryan.

 

When Ryan pays, the worker hands over the ice cream and Ryan gives a polite smile.

 

“Thanks,” He says, and begins to walk to a booth.

 

“Damn, Ryan, just thanks? Not even ‘thank you’?” Ray asks as he already begins to eat. He doesn’t really have that much of a sweet tooth, but he’s down for ice cream, because he’s classy like that. “Very disrespectful.” Ray makes a ‘tsk’ noise as he sits down across from Ryan.

 

“Do you even  _ have _ manners?” Ryan says in a light but accusatory tone. 

 

“Yes _ , _ because I was raised right.” Ray says and Ryan rolls his eyes at that. Ray gasps dramatically, but not too loud to attract the attention of the other people in the establishment. “Why are you so  _ mean, _ Ryan?”

 

“You called me disrespectful first!”

 

“I’m no longer on speaking terms with you.”

 

“Do you remember that I’m driving you home?” Ryan asks and Ray crosses his arms, turning his head towards the window. “You’re more dramatic than Gavin is, and you know Gavin now.”

 

“False!” 

 

“Aha! You talked.” Ryan grins and Ray slides down in his seat, arms still crossed. Ray says nothing more and continues to eat his ice cream. He kicks at Ryan’s leg (because he’s mature like that) and Ryan looks at him, amused. “Are you going to act like a child, now?”

 

“Footsies, bitch.” Ray mumbles.

 

“You’re really not good at this whole not talking thing.” Ryan responds.  _ [I’m not good at it when it comes to you,  _ the prominent gay part in Ray’s brain thinks.  _ It feels like I never shut my dumb fucking mouth around you.] _

 

“I’m great at it. Fuck you.” 

 

“Salty Ray.” Ryan says and Ray kicks his leg again.

 

“Perish.” 

 

“No, you.” 

 

“Woah, you’re learning.”

 

“You’re just a bad influence on my vocabulary.” Ray laughs at that, sitting up in his seat. 

 

He sees the two guys from earlier stand up and begin to leave. One pulls out his phone before exiting, and begins to hold it up to his ear like he’s calling someone. But before making it through the doorway, he walks straight into the window right next to it. He falls on his ass while the other guy just laughs at him. Ryan looks over at the loud commotion curiously, and then back to Ray, where they continue their conversation.

 

Ray feels slightly uneasy, still. 

 

He just continues to ignores it, though. 

 

[Maybe he shouldn’t have.]   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmmmmmmmmmm is that a lil bit of plot i see?
> 
> thank you for reading!! <3


	9. THIS ISN'T NEW DONK CITY!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chp goes off the rails for no fucking reason anjsdkfa i suck
> 
> also i figured out how to fix the format so not everything is 500 spaces away from each other :3 maybe i'll fix the other chapters and maybe i'll be a lazy shithead who knows let's find out
> 
> enjoy!

“This is a kid’s game, isn’t it? Why is it so hard to find things?”

“You just have to be better, Ryan, don’t be a bitch.”

Ryan huffs at the unhelpful response from Michael, who was drinking whatever monstrous concoction Jeremy decided to create that day. Ryan looks back down at the DS he was hunched over. Yes, maybe he was a little lost on where to go. He refuses to ask Ray for help, as Ray _bullies_ him each time he asks, such as, _wow, you really couldn’t find that?_ Or, _it’s pretty simple, Ryan, you’re just on dumb bitch hours,_ and even if Ray explains anyway, it doesn’t stop to discourage Ryan from asking. The asshole. _The_ _adorable, funny, kind-in-his-own-way asshole. Shut up._

Ryan wants to break this DS over his damn leg. 

“Hiya, boys!” Geoff’s voice comes from the entrance and he’s soon striding into their sight, wearing one of his crisp and prominent  _ I’m An Asshole _ suits (as Michael calls it). There’s another person aside him, though, and Ryan feels like he’s vaguely familiar, but he’s also sure that he’s never met this guy before, so– this observation wasn’t helpful whatsoever. He’s also wearing a suit– though it’s less of an asshole-ish type but more of an  _ I’m An Actual Businessman _ suit. Ryan wonders how Geoff ever got to be in contact with the lawyers at the RT & Co. Law Firm, as they’re generally professional and like, actual working class citizens (besides, you know, the corrupt part– but everyone in Los Santos is corrupt for the right price). Geoff only mentions that they’ve been friends for a long time, but that’s a vague explanation and Ryan doesn’t know if he cares because Geoff sucks and lawyers are weird.

Geoff comes to a stop and so does the man beside him. Geoff clasps a hand on the shoulder of the guy, though he looks unaffected by it. “Michael, Ryan.” He says, addressing the only two people there. 

“Yes, those are our names.” Michael nods. Geoff ignores him. 

“This is one of my buddies, and also one of the lawyers at RT, Joel Heyman.”

“The lawyer part is more important than the buddy one.” The other corrects and Geoff gasps. 

“I was trying to put in a good word for you with my crew, but you ruined it.” 

“Oh, you mean the two people here?” Geoff pouts, and Ryan closes the DS, causing a quiet  _ snap _ noise. The sound draws the attention of Joel, who looks straight at Ryan. He does not look very impressed, to say the least. Ryan doesn’t dwell on it, and the moment is gone, because Geoff leads Joel into his office. The door is shut and Ryan opens the DS again. 

He looks back up when he hears a snort from Michael. 

“Dude, he looked like he was trying to punch you with his eyes.” Ryan rolls his eyes at the comment, leaning back in his comfy ass couch. “Do you know that guy?”

“I mean, he looks familiar,” He shrugs, dismissively. “Maybe it’s just been in passing. But obviously, there are people who aren’t the biggest fans of  _ the Vagabond.” _

“Maybe you, like, killed someone he loved.” Michael suggests.

“That’s certainly a possibility, sure.” 

“Whatever it was, I bet he wants  _ revenge.” _

“He’s a lawyer, Michael. What revenge is he going to rain on me?”

“Sue you for murder.”

Ryan doesn’t respond.

 

[ • ]

 

“I don’t know lots of things, Miles, but I  _ do _ know that Mario would know how to use a gun.” 

A drunk Barbara, Kerry and Miles had shown up on his doorstep and Ray let them in because drunk friends always make good blackmail. He left for no less than five minutes and came back to the sight of Miles on the verge of tears.

“He  _ wouldn’t.” _ Miles responds to Kerry’s statement and his eyes trail to Ray. He looks like a kicked puppy, and not many people who are at least over 6 feet tall couldn’t pull off that look and make Ray feel bad, but Miles is certainly one of the people that can. “Ray– Mario doesn’t know how to use a gun, does he?”

“Where would Mario have learned to use a gun?” Ray asks as he moves to sit down again.

“Gun school.” Kerry responds. Ray wouldn’t have believed they were drunk– more like they were on crack, but they are dumbasses so this makes sense. 

“In the Mario verse, they solve their problems with fireballs and jumping on other people’s heads.” Ray reasons and Miles nods firmly, drinking the water that Ray had given him when they first entered his apartment.

“Mario, in  _ real _ life, would know how to use a gun.” Barbara states in a matter-of-fact tone that is definitely not a correct tone for this conversation. Ray doesn’t know why he’s trying to argue with his very drunk friends. Frankly, he doesn’t know why he’s trying to do anything at all right now. It was a pretty bad Ray Depression Day and so he spent his entire day in bed as he didn’t have work because Jack closed the store for today. 

The best part– the part that always comes with these Depression Days– is that he just doesn’t know  _ why. _ He’s been doing good, he hasn’t had any incredibly high anxiety flares in the past few months which is a fucking feat in itself, he hasn’t gotten the extreme urge to gently throw himself off a building (which is, yet another achievement). But he just feels like total and utter ass. And the shitty feeling only increased when he realized that he hasn’t responded to any of Ryan’s texts. 

He’s used to not talking to his friends for days outside of work for days on end. But Ryan has gotten used to Slightly-Mentally-Stable Ray, and Slightly-Mentally-Alright Ray can answer text messages. Now, Ray will see a message from Ryan on his phone and just... stare at it. Then, he’ll turn off his phone and go the fuck back to sleep. It feels horrible, and Ray is horrible, and Ryan is definitely tired of him at this point. 

“In New Donk City, Mario still used his hat. Mario is anti-gun.” Miles says now that Ray has leaned back into the cushions of his couch, bringing his knees up to his chest.

“This isn’t New Donk City!” Kerry cries out. Ray is tired.

“We need an outsider’s opinion.” Kerry says. “Ray, text your boyfriend.”

“I can’t text Master Chief.” Ray absentmindedly responds, playing with his sleeves. 

“No– the Ryan one.”

“No.” Ray figures that after not talking to Ryan for a week, asking him whether Mario is anti-gun or wouldn’t be the best way to start up a conversation. He then realizes that he glossed over an important detail. “He’s also not my boyfriend. You guys have your own phones, you do it.” 

“Do what? Text Ryan? I’ll do it.” Miles says. “Hit me with that number.” 

“No.” Ray dismisses that. Miles’ sad puppy look is ignored this time around.

“How is Ryan? You, like, never talk about him anymore, and you always talk about him.” Kerry says as Ray feels his face warm up.

“I don’t talk about him that much.” Ray mumbles.

“Have you seen his dick yet?” That comes from Miles, which also earns him a couch-pillow to his face from Ray. “What?” Miles whines. “I didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“Does he have BDE?” Barbara asks. 

“BDE?” Kerry repeats curiously. 

“Don’t explain it to him.” Ray says before Barbara can speak. “I could kick you guys out. Stop talking about my friend’s dick.” 

“I’m just curious! I’ve never seen him before. Describe him to me!” The blonde says and Ray looks up at the ceiling, exhausted. He doesn’t know why his friends are so damn nosey, even if they act like they’re not, they fucking are. Even  _ Joel, _ who probably couldn’t give two shits about Ray’s love life– except when Ray’s love is the Red Bulls in Joel’s fridge and Ray would do anything for ‘love’– had asked what Ryan looks like. That was a few days ago and Joel sounded cold over the phone, even colder than Joel usually is, and it made Ray confused.

“He’s got like– hair, and eyes, and he’s tall.” Kerry describes, animatedly. 

“God, Kerry, your mind, it amazes me sometimes.” Ray mutters.

“Don’t you have, like, a picture, Ray?” Barbara asks. Ray ignores the feeling of his phone burning into his hoodie where there is, indeed, a few pictures of Ryan on his phone. There weren’t a lot obviously, because asking for pictures like that would be a bit weird. But, he does still have the photo that Ryan gave him for his contact where it was just Ryan pulling the ugliest face he could, or the photo Ryan sent to him after he had fallen asleep around his friends and they had drawn a dick on his face, or the one that Ray had very creepily snuck when they were out getting food or some stupid shit like that, and it’s just Ryan smiling at whatever stupid shit Ray had said and he looks so happy in it and it makes Ray feel like his heart is going to explode. He never looks at that picture because he feels creepy but he can’t bring himself to delete it, so there it sits with his other fifteen photos.

“No.” Ray finally responds, dismissively. Speaking of phones, he feels his phone vibrate.

 

**New message from: wheat bread**

 

Ray had changed it to that after Ryan mentioned that people call him Rye-bread, which he hated, so Ray fixed it up a little. Ryan hated it so Ray kept it. He stares at the notification for a few short moments. He slides his phone back into his pocket, pulling his knees closer to his chest. 

His friends go back to talking about the semantics of the gun laws in the Mario world.   
Ray hates himself.

 

[ • ]

 

Thankfully, not that many people have been showing up today so Ray can wallow in his own self hatred at work. He showered this morning, which he hasn’t done in about five days, so good on him, but other than that, he’s a piece of shit. He can’t even remember the last time he did his fucking laundry. Or the last time he ate. 

[Ray: a self care icon.]

He’s working on organizing the shelves when he hears the door open. The door is behind him, and he doesn’t bother to look over. He hopes that if he doesn’t make eye contact, then the customer won’t bother to ask him questions about whatever rando fucking game. But there’s a sense of someone walking in his direction, and Ray just  _ hopes _ that they’re looking at the shelves around him

“Ray?” Ray feels his stomach sink when he hears Ryan as he turns around.

“Oh– hey. Uh, Jack’s not here.” Ryan’s concerned face makes him feel worse and it reminds him of what a stupid, dumb piece of shit he is.

“No, I’m not here for him.” Ray finds himself subconsciously backing up against the shelves, hoping that maybe a Hell portal will open and swallow him whole so he can avoid this conversation.  _ Dickhead. Always fucking running away like a pathetic asshole. I suck. _

“Okay.” Ray wants to punch himself in the gut but that’s all that managed to come to his dumb stupid mind. 

“I was just wondering if you’re okay?” Ryan’s mouth is drawn into a frown, his eyebrows furrowed slightly. Ray’s stomach churns. 

“I’m fine.” Ray wonders if Ryan came all the way over here just to ask that. He feels worse. He quickly turns around to refocus on his job. Ryan is quiet for a few minutes as he works and Ray hopes he’s leaving so Ryan will stop wasting his fucking time on him.

“You stopped responding to me.” Ryan finally says. Ray turns back around at the sound of his voice. “I don’t care about the not responding thing. I was worried but Jack said you were here. Did I do something wrong? Are– are you upset with me?” He looks worried, anxious eyes staring into Ray and  _ wow, _ Ray is literally the worst person ever.

“No. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just–” Ray pauses, because he doesn’t know where he was going with that. Having a family that didn’t necessarily care about his feelings and having friends that were nearly just as emotionally stubborn as he is, Ray has little practice in talking about feelings. So, having to talk about the fact that he’s a depressed piece of shit to the guy that he’s helplessly and pathetically crushing on is not really something he’d like to do right now. “I guess I’m not fine?” His words come out almost like a question and he cringes internally. “I’m just sort of a mess right now.” He looks down, because he definitely won’t be able to meet Ryan’s eye. Ryan goes quiet again and Ray wishes that Hell portal can hurry up.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ryan asks and Ray almost winces at how soft his voice is. He shrinks in on himself a little more, taking an interest in the grimy carpet of the store. He shakes his head.

“There’s not much to talk about, really.” Ray gives a short, nervous chuckle but it’s still quiet on Ryan’s end so he keeps talking (for some miraculous reason). “Uh– I’m sorry for not responding. I’ll get over myself eventually.”

“You don’t have to get over yourself, Ray. And you don’t need to be sorry, I get it.” Ryan fucking gets everything and that’s what makes Ray feel like shit. Why is he wasting his time on a piece of shit like Ray? “Take your time.” Ryan’s hand clasps onto his shoulder and Ray looks up this time. “And take care of yourself, too.”

“That’s asking for a lot, Ryan.” Ray says in a weak attempt of humor. Ryan smiles at him, anyway. And then, Ryan is hugging him. Ray doesn’t even tense, he practically melts into his touch (obviously he won’t admit that he does do that) as he hugs him back. “Thank you.” Ray quietly mutters against his shoulder. The hug is definitely going on for too long at this point, absolutely, most definitely, 100% too long, but Ryan hasn’t made an effort to move away yet so– fuck it. 

“You’re my friend. You don’t need to thank me.” Ray’s heart is fucking soaring now; he wonders how and why Ryan bothers to stick around even though he’s all things good and Ray is  _ Ray.  _

“Hey Ray– Oh, uh–” The noise of the door opening and the prominent sound of his fucking boss’ voice comes to Ray’s ears and Ray is pulling away very quickly, heat rising to his face at a rapid speed. Ray looks over at Jack, an unidentifiable look on his face. Well, unidentifiable for Ray, at least. “‘Sup. Forgot my bag.” Jack says, walking over to the back room, pulling out his phone as he begins to type quickly. Ryan finally turns to look back at Ray, a slight flush on his own cheeks as well. [Re: it’s fucking cute.]

“We should hang out sometime soon. I have some really good movies in mind.” Surprisingly, Ray is the one that says this, in an attempt to change the topic.

Ryan smiles, again, and Ray really feels like his heart is going to explode. “‘Really good movies’ does not sound promising in that tone.”

“It’s very promising.”

“Sure, Ray.”

Ray still feels like shit, of course.

But he’s finding himself feeling less like shit talking to Ryan.

 

[ • ]

 

**New message from: Jichael Mones**

 

**Jichael Mones**

_ two bros _

 

**Jichael Mones**

_ standin in a gamestop _

 

**Jichael Mones**

_ zero feet apart cause theyre not gay! _

 

**You will not receive messages or phone calls from Jichael Mones.**

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is mario anti-gun or not? discuss.
> 
> thank you for reading!! <3


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